Some years ago I had these two phrases tattooed to my forearms to remind me that I came here to die. Such a statement could be perceived as shocking but it’s true. I give thanks that somehow, through the fog of my once hyper-dulled and culturally medicated reality, my higher self revealed to me that the pain of death and transformation is inevitable in this realm. That I would not be able to avoid pain forever. That I could even learn to welcome pain as a teacher, and a sign of healing, growth, and evolution. My higher self also cultivated within my heart the understanding that suffering would be my choice if I wished to experience it. This mantra allowed me to dive into the pain I felt then, and rebirth myself into who I am now.
Come 2013…where I would experience pain again.
There is pain – the kind that makes you laugh at yourself for a silly bumped elbow. The kind that causes a slight gasp to escape from your lips. Or the kind that causes you to pour forth a combination of agony and ecstasy.
Then there is the kind of pain that stops you in your tracks. That makes you forget to breathe. A blinding pain that you feel through the infinite echoes of the Universe. The kind of pain that can send you momentarily to the other side just to wake you back up. WAKE UP! Stop. Breathe. This is the kind of pain that feels like a sure sign from the Universe to STOP. STOP what you are doing right NOW. Go no further until you have gotten to the ROOT of this…not later, but NOW.
Aye…I hear youniverse. I bow to you humbly now…please help me heal. I receive you in all your wisdom.
This healing path is often a confusing one…moments of rapture, ecstasy, bliss, mingling with momentary egoic certainty that there is some answer…some solution. Every time I feel certain about anything, the Universe gives me a reason to QUEST-ion again.
As I FEEL into pain…FEEL into my root connection with the Earth, I real-EYES I am feeling her. Momma I am feeling you. I am so sorry, please forgive me. Thank you, I love you. I am so grateful for this piece of you that you have kindly lent to me for this lifetime. This piece of you that I get to pilot and dance through the ether in the most magnificent grandest show of this lifetime upon lifetimes.
Thank you for showing me where I have been disconnected at my root…fearful. I thank you for inviting me to see what I was not letting myself see. I forgive myself and all. Thank you for the honor of giving me sight to see all that came before me, and all that will come after. I grieve for all the mothers lost on the journey. I give thanks for the ability to FEEL such grief and loss through this temporary experience of separation. I revel in the sweet bliss of agony. What a blessing it is to feel anything at all.
I also thank you for inviting me to feel into the depths of my third chakra storms…weathering the core of my existence in a full tantrum of rebirth stewing in the cauldron of my belly. My weakened armies of invisible soldiers finally standing up and demanding to be restored and replenished. Declaring WE ARE! Yes my darlings, we are and I AM! Proclaiming with determinism and force to change and heal in this NOW. I am sorry I neglected you and failed to provide what you need, severely limited by own stubborn mind. I now SEE…I’m here for you.
Thank you thank you thank you for the divine intelligence of the body, always doing its best at all times to serve our existence here on this Earth. Thank you thank you thank you for challenging me to step up to my highest choices…for me AND for momma Earth. I hear you. I honor you. I serve you. I serve US.
It has become quite abundantly clear that if I am to share my gifts with this world, that I must heal my root connection with the Earth. I also fully accept my role as a divine creator of my own reality…and I thank you for showing me that it all begins with my WILL. My CHOICE. My choices every day, every moment.
Life is oh so precious. I choose to honor this life always in all ways. Thank you for this magnificent experience. Blessed journey to us all.
Painting: Frida Kahlo
UPDATE: I have since began a healing journey from something called CANDIDA. Here is a video blog I made to describe my journey:
If you think you have candida (it is WAY more common than you might think) and you would like to know how I healed myself from candida, visit this link: http://bit.ly/12PeTD6.
Tags: big pharma, cancer, candida, candida albicans, candida cure, candida infection, cell wall suppressor, chitin synthesis inhibitor, endometriosis, irritable bowel syndrome, thrush, what is candida, yeast infection