i was indeed judged today. yup. i got hacked. and you know what my punishment was? 24 hours without facebook. i’d say i did pretty good.
thanks GOD. love ya.
for real though i’m really thankful for today, ya know? it’s kind of amazing really. the download i keep getting is that it is a judgment day of sorts for the collective consciousness. even if we know deep in our hearts that the world isn’t going to physically end for the majority of humans today, many of us are weighing this day in our minds. both our conscious AND subconscious minds. did you know our subconscious minds process 400 billion bits of information per second while our conscious minds only process 40 bits per second? and because you can consciously control your conscious mind, you can know well and good that nothing crazy is gonna go down today. you can rationalize the hell out of it and be focused on all your other shit and know the day is just gonna continue as per usual etc., etc….
but your subconscious mind is processing ALLLLLL possibilities. which means there is deep deep within you, something that is saying, “yes, but what if…”
and that ‘what if’ is a beautiful thing.
because what IF the world WAS ending today? what if it was? this is not to be fatalistic at all people. no. it is…
maybe some people are only asking themselves in their subconscious minds and if you read this, then are encouraged to ask yourself consciously, but today… TODAY. today and the days that follow…
the question is:
was it all worth it?
i mean, isn’t that what facing our mortality all about?
judgment day. judgment day. i know my 3 dimensional reality will not end on this day. but what is ending, what has been ending for me through a whole process, is the restraint of my fully expressed self. these last few days i’ve heard the teeny tiny voices in there asking myself, “…ok. now… hypothetically speaking, let’s just say ‘what if.’ what if it did end… did i live my life fully? did i love fully? did i follow my dreams?”
and the answer?
yes. yes and yes. yes and yes and YESS!!!
and there is always room for more. let me repeat: there is always room for more.
more life. more dreams. more LOVE.
because all of that is infinite.
and i fully understand that i choose my path. that i can choose either suffering or i can choose love. this is the human condition. and for me, after years of digging deep into my heart to release all the stuff that was blocking love, i face myself today and i love what i see because all i see is love. i look into the world and all i see is love. i see every single human being and all i see is love. every single animal, every single plant, every single star, every single pixel of space. every single fractal of existence.
this beautiful beautiful beautiful hologram we call life.
i am so grateful.
i’m grateful for you for reading this and allowing me the opportunity to share. truly. creating this blog almost two years ago was therapy for me and knowing i had readers checking in from all over the world inspired me to live with the highest integrity, which is truly a healing healing gift and i thank you.
and i’m grateful i got hacked. i’m grateful i can’t sign into fb for another 12 hours and 59 min. not that i’m counting.
but the lockout gave me space to give the other outlets some lovin. if you follow my twitter or blog, you may have noticed i have been a bit negligent. but it’s only because i’ve been uber present in my non-digital life.
except for fb. find me suckas and let’s be friends. (Patty YUniverse) <— i know, i know. and i make zero apologies for my dorkdom.
the time finally came for me to vlog out. what kind of person does these things? these little vlog things?
i mean, rather than start another written post saying long it’s been since i’ve blogged blah blah blah blah blah, i decided to just talk it out. OH BOY did i talk it out. BEWARE. 10 minutes of yours truly and that’s after editing it down.
and well, not to reveal anything in there, but you’ve probably already read about some of the shifts i’ve been going through and all i wanna say to preface my video (if it resonates with you) is that every person will find a way that works for him or her, but the key to all things in life is intention, and i only encourage each and every single one of you on your path to full health and happiness. i’ve picked up a LOT of tools in the last year that i will continue to share.
my growth involved many transitions and phases, but the one specific thing i cannot stress enough to every single person who reads this is to go ORGANIC and only support sustainable, HUMANE farming practices. do it for your body, for your children, for your future, for OUR future.
also, if there was one thing i did not mention in my video that i would say now is:
i used to make a lot of excuses. i admit it. there were lots. i didn’t realize how much at the time. i had excuses for when i would start eating right, start exercising, to take classes, to be creative, to drink water, to build my career, to examine my relationships, to heal relationships, to connect with my family, to go out with friends, to meet new people. christ, you name it, i’ve made an excuse to NOT do it at least one point in my life.
this doesn’t mean i NEVER did what i knew i had to do. i did. it just certainly took a while* even though i always knew in my heart who i could be.
i used to repeat my “story” as an excuse.
“Once upon a time… blah blah blah… and that’s how i got all fucked up in life, so that’s why i can’t be what you want me to be.”
ooh… that’s interesting. “what you want me to be… “ that just sort of slipped out, but it’s profound. why do we go through life thinking we need to be what others want us to be? Continue Reading…
i think about writing in my blog every single day. and yet i don’t. obvsly.
please forgive me.
it’s not that i don’t have things to share. i do. tons in fact. for example, it was my birthday on the 10th of december. AND, i recently shot an episode of the show BONES in November, which suddenly had to be reshot on said birthday. might sound like a bummer but it turned out to be exactly the steamy birthday gift from the universe i asked for. wrapped in one easy package! but what do you mean patty yu?
well kids, number one, patty yu asked for work. check. number two patty yu asked for some lovin on her birthday. CHECK.
WHA??? yes. that is correct. see, it was an unseasonably warm week before my bday. i was shooting the shit with the universe, you know, cracking jokes, making grand exclamations of gratitude, and just having a nice day together, when i teased that it’s my birthday in a few days and you know i want to ri-i-i-i-ide out. i say teased, because the reality of this happening in patty yu’s life as we currently know it is slim to none (that’s if i want to keep my self respect, know what i’m sayin ladees?). so i just kind of laughed it off and thought nothing of it. taylor was there, she’ll tell you.
Out of nowhere, the 2nd AD on Bones calls and says we might have to reshoot on my bday. holy crap. my very first love scene on network TV (did i mention that?) and it had to be re-shot. oy. a few thoughts went through my mind. did i not give them what they wanted? everyone seemed so pleased and satisfied that first day. what possibly went wrong?
in two words: TOO. SEXY.
sorry bout that.
i only did exactly what the director asked of me. but here’s the little lesson in the business: the producers enforce the censorship handbook in situations like these, and the FOX network is… well… you fill in the blank. i have nothing bad to say about anyone. there’s something for everyone in the world. yada yada.
this is the part where i get to MY POINT: even though everything seemed to be perfect that first day of shooting and i did everything asked of me, and the world seemed to be moving forward as usual after we finished, somehow i still managed to find myself on top of an attractive young actor on my birthday.
happy fucking birthday to me.
sure, he was married IRL and it was all pretend, but he was sweet, had great energy, was uber respectful, and there was no chance to take it too far. HOW FREAKING PERFECT IS THAT???
thanks universe. i know you got my back. love ya lots.
maybe my periods of silence come in part because it’s slightly difficult to explain to ya’ll these circumstances, considering i always bring my pal U[niverse] into the convo (what is this bitch on you’re probably asking) and thus it all starts to seem a bit out there.
maybe the silence comes in part because i feel like i’m changing at light speed, especially now that i’ve been living so healthy and not making excuses anymore and being totally accountable for myself and all my decisions. living the dream, instead of living in desire.
maybe the silence comes in part because i have a LOT to share. my photoshoot with lee from this summer for example. i’ve only shared a few images. and there are more. oh BOY are there more. (i’ll be sure to explain my irrational complexes surrounding these images another time i promise.)
but when it really comes down to it… silly me…
i just feel kinda…
it makes no sense, i know, but that’s how i feel sometimes. i am only human after all.
it’s funny how in this business, EVERYTHING can change. in. just. one.
this is something i can really feel where i am right now. in this moment.
the last few years have been a build up.
it has been a time to learn. absorb. affect.
the biggest lesson was the most simple and yet sometimes the hardest.
i had to learn how to believe in myself.
see, it’s strange because i always did to an extent. otherwise i wouldn’t have made my way to los angeles and started living this very unconventional and terrifyingly unstable lifestyle, which i only say unconventional and terrifying from the assumed perspective of other more conventional and stable individuals, because for me, this feels normal and i honestly welcome a constant flow of change and unpredictability. i crave and relish it.
but yes. there were still layers of the cocoon that needed to be shed. pieces of my transforming self waiting to be exposed. and i’ve been purposefully, carefully, and lovingly peeling the layers back one by one…
this will be an ongoing process of course. as is life. the transformation will always continue into each new phase of my life. but the lesson i had to learn for today, for this moment and for the rest of my life, was to believe unconditionally. to trust. and to enjoy every moment of getting here. through all the hard times and all the successes. each moment has been a building block forming my life and my future. i’m so excited for all the possibilities. both the ones i make and the ones that cross my path.
life is so beautiful in this sense. it never ends and the possibilities are infinite.
i don’t have any specific news to share with you. yet. but in this moment, i celebrate my own private success. because i got what i want.