i got a preview of my photoshoot with lee clower and wooooo…
got me excited.
i can’t explain in words where i go when i shoot with lee. it’s like a meditation. it’s a uniting of souls. we both see.
it’s amazing.
fun.
and sexy.
i get to tap into something that normally i hold very very close to me. but the trust i have in lee allows me to reveal myself. both in spirit and well…
you know.
so liberating and freeing. i love it and always look forward to it so much.
it’s the best. i mean come on. there’s nothing like embracing the madness. it’s fun magnifying those insanity pepper type thoughts that sometimes swim around up there. why the eff not?
i spent much of my youth having to restrain myself in this regard. my parents used to call me “wild.” i think i sometimes scared them a bit. they told me that girls didn’t act so wild and crazy like i did. i realize there were a lot of factors that influenced their belief of my wildness, including, but not limited to: my parents being first generation immigrants from taiwan; growing up with an older brother; moving and changing schools A LOT; and we musn’t forget – our best friend – SUGAR (a.k.a. “pure evil”). i will touch on this sugar thing again in another post i think, but right now i will just leave it at pure evil.
now, you might be imagining me tearing through life like a little asian chucky or something. but it wasn’t so much like that. i loved being girly and graceful too. i fell in love with the image of ballerinas before i can even remember. the lessons started at age 3. i loved it so much. i was good. i learned fast. my teachers noticed. my little 3 year old ego was pumped to be leader of the goslings in our Mother Goose recital.
i could be light.
i could be gentle.
i could be poised.
but most importantly, i could walk like a cat because cat paws are like ballet feet.
meow.
see, a part of me will always see some weird benefit like that. cuz ballet brings us THAT much closer to becoming pure feline.
obviously.
what was my point? oh right. well, i think i might be going through a weird spell. no wait. it’s not a spell, more like a surge, or a spark. or an electrical anomaly. not sure. regardless, it’s happening and i refuse to fight it. how all of this energy will present itself, i don’t know, but some of it is bubbling over into silly videos with mah gurl TAY TAY. we’ll see what else spews out too. BEWARE!
so come on! pop a pepper or two, and get weird with me. or you can just watch me and tay being weird in our second PATTAY video (here’s the first one).
i’m having a bit of a tantrum right now. maybe it’s silly, but tsk!
i don’t wanna!!!
i don’t want to go back to my [incredibly spoiled] life!!!
auditions? yoga? california cuisine? bright summer sun? what? boriiiiing…
i just can’t be bothered right now.
what the fuck happened?
you goddamn australians, that’s what happened. christ i’m in love. i was so charmed…
completely swept.
i saw so much beauty in those 10 days. beauty in the land. beauty in the people.
don’t be jealous, los angeles. you know i love you. i do. you let me in, you’ve been there for me. you’ve provided for me and nourished me. i feel you baby.
but i am lurrrrrrrrving australia right now, boy. sprung. to. hell.
australia. you are so open. friendly. funny. warm. beautiful. modest. charming. real…
meow.
the land was intensely beautiful. so much beauty. so so much. i fell in love every day i was there.
sigh…
focus. must be a productive member of society.
so…photos. i did the unthinkable and lost my camera right before leaving sydney. wtf! but i took quite a lot of photos on my phone and they turned out surprisingly spectacular (i love my new iphone). you won’t see a lot of sydney (whoever picked up my camera gets to see those), but fall in love with the country town Dungog like i did. it was so beautiful. i mean seriously, my eyes came everyday. i suppose i should also mention that our film Passengers got some great response! this trip was amazing. i met so many amazing people, saw films, drank coffee, slept in a bunk bed in a youth hostel haha…so much freakin’ fun i can’t take it.
sometimes i can be so selective about what i share on here. other times one might consider my posts over-sharing. i mean pee dreams? those of you who love that post, i know you’re out there.
i’ve found the last several weeks a period of tremendous growth. i have so many ideas and see so much potential in the world. i can’t seem to put into words what i see, so i neglect to update my blog and all those other sharing tools. it’s not that i forget. actually i’m constantly wanting to share some news of success. i forget that most people are more forgiving than i am myself. some of my minor successes i write off, assuming you’d be bored of it. another print job? a commercial callback? oh. we already saw that before.
but it’s not you. it’s me. i’m the one who’s bored. i’m the one who’s no longer impressed. i want something new.
it’s time to level up.
is that why i’m running off to Australia? to mingle with some new blood? and maybe a koala or two?
funny though, i very well could book a commercial that makes me cut my trip to Australia short. it’s actually very amusing to me, and i should just start buying insurance every time i book a flight because this has happened more than once before.
anyhow, one thing i do want to share in this awesomely random, awesomely boring blog, is that sometimes the universe reveals the very thing i’m asking for. and it may not go exactly the way i want it to go, but i just have to trust that how it IS going will take me through all the steps needed to realize my vision.
i learned yesterday that i still have growing to do.
i am so lucky. i am so happy. i am so thankful for this lesson.
you have no idea what i’m talking about, but i promise that you will.
a few weeks ago i posted a few 
