as usual, transformation is the name of the game peeps. not surprising to me anymore, as this IS the time. it’s now or never!!
are you noticing it as well? noticing yourself and the people around you making changes, or if not consciously making them, situations “occur” to cause a shift? if you presence yourself and pay attention to the world around you, patterns and synchronicities emerge. everywhere. major shifts in our lives and major shifts on the planet, in our bodies, in our hearts, all mirroring each other so synchronistically. it’s so fucking beautiful and amazing i can hardly stand it! i am really just using an old paradigm figure of speech, because not only can i stand it, i am just reveling in it. soaking it up, yum yum fucking YUM.
let me ask you: how good can YOU stand it?
obviously, if you saw my last post, you heard me go on about exploring raw cuisine, and the many positive effects it has had on my health and spirit. and i realize rather than label myself a raw foodist, i’ve evolved into an intuitive eater, where i generally prefer food with a high content of nutrition, and that subsists of fresh, organically grown food, the less treated the better, and ultimately balance is the key.
when i began this exploration, my intention was to cleanse my body of all the toxins we take in on a regular basis eating processed and conventionally grown foods. i am so so so so grateful for this book i found called Secrets of An Alkaline Body, written by Annie Jubb. she opened a restaurant called Lifefood Organic near my place in hollywood, and discovering it, her, and the book… well, it saved my life. i am completely serious when i say this.
whatever was brewing beneath the surface that i couldn’t see but could intuitively feel, that probably wouldn’t have caused any “serious” issues for many years still, was causing a lot of fear deep in my mind. the deep fear came from not knowing. and not knowing creates lack of ease (hello? dis-ease!). this fear over not knowing kept me re-living my old patterns, which would have surely lead to disease. that is, until i gave myself the gift of bringing the parts of me sinking into the dark back into light. literally. for me, this was through food. i brought in more light — light created by the synthesis of the sun and the earth and our plants — back into my physical body.
this is fucking LIFE FORCE.
by seeking knowledge, i discovered knowing. by exercising integrity and intentionally changing my old patterns, i created ease. which came from harnessing the light. and the light is… well… ready? God. Source. Creator. Is. Be. Am. Us. You. Me. Whateveryouwannacallexistence.
and it blew my heart open. ok ok, so you’ve heard this already yes?
so why is this coming up again?
well.
it has to do with a few sexy pictures that i’ve been hesitant to share.
HA!
this is certainly, by far, my most spiritual segue into sexy photos [to date].
but you see, this hesitancy to share is teaching me SOOOOO much about the whole process i’m going through discovering my true self. the photos are of course, from my annual summer shoot with my brother from another galaxy, lee clower. my connection with lee and the images we co-create is a channel for me to share an aspect of myself that i had kept in a pattern of hiding. it is an aspect innate within me — in fact, a gift — innate in all of us.
our sexuality.
the pure energy of creation. this energy is so beautiful, so amazing, so deep, so fucking fire engine yes solar flare yes more aliens yes bursting universal loving yes ecstasy yes YES YES YES!
and yet… we are told our whole lives no no no…
that energy is shameful. you shouldn’t share that. you’ll be judged. you’ll be exploited. you’ll be stripped of your dignity. and to add another layer to the mix, we are also taught that our bodies should be “perfect.” perfect? what’s perfect??? and as defined by who???
when i was still “toxic” i bought into a lot of the shame and guilt. i required spiritual assistance (aka my friend big Green) to bring me to a place even close to self-acceptance. and since we’ve already established that i pretty much tell you everything (i mean, sheesh, if you just read from the beginning, this blog is basically a map of patty yu’s journey to self discovery), i totally used that “assistance” for this shoot, taken only halfway into my “spiritual transformation.” i say halfway because i was consciously doing a lot of looking inward to “exorcise the demons” and making fantastic progress! but i was still recreating many of the same patterns.
and so, when i look at these photos, i am reminded of where i was then. i see in my eyes the pain of not knowing. and i see a body that i recognize as beautiful and sexy, but i know that it was mistreated, not fed for 2 days prior, because i felt out of control due to lack of any real knowledge about how to nourish it. i recognize the confused me in those photos and i remember her. and my hesitation to share is me pausing to feel through those memories.
the echos of fear. echos of shame. echos of guilt.
but i know something changed. for good. and therefore i release all my judgment and i honor her. for making that shift. to get her to me.
to now.
because now i live in bliss every day. now i see myself in the light.
and i appreciate, and cherish, and nourish, and love my self, like we all deserve to be loved. nourished. cherished. appreciated.
and for whatever reason i am compelled to just share all of this process. to perhaps illuminate the complexity of self-consciousness, and how that can manifest within the human mind. i share this information to assist in your transformation, should you seek it.
because i appreciate, and cherish, and nourish, and love YOU, like YOU deserve to be loved. nourished. cherished. appreciated.
i ruv yous.
whew!
now that was a lot of foreplay…
are you as curious as i am how the next shoot will go?
love you lee. i am so grateful to co-create with you.
lots of stuff in this first month of 2011…where do i begin? i suppose first of all, you should know i discovered that all this time since high school i’ve been typing incorrectly and losing the hearts of typographers everywhere by putting not one, but TWO spaces after each period of a sentence. not my fault! thanks, north carolina typing class teacher. needless to say, i will NOT be going back through my whole blog to correct this travesty.
DEAL, typographers.
next on the list: the episode of BONES that i appeared in aired last week. wohoo! t’was a non-speaking co-star, but i mentioned previously about having to reshoot the “love” scene because it was too sexy. apparently, sex — according to FOX network — does not involve any movement whatsoever. the first time we shot it i was specifically requested to rock wit u, but then the second time i was explicitly told, “less gyrating.”
MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, FOX.
anyhow, here’s a screen-capture — click it to watch the full episode on imdb:
this episode is written by an asian american writer and contains some content that miiight be construed as stereotyping…i dunno you tell me haha (i will play dumb for now). i found it humorous (don’t like to take everything too seriously ya know?), but perhaps it’s a way to start a dialogue. thoughts? i would love to know what ya’ll think after you watch it…
AND THEN the last order of business is…wait for it…
DRUNKEN CHEF!
my friends Courtney and Jose created a web series of that very title, and it stars Jose, as himself, as The Drunken Chef. they asked me to guest star in this episode and we had a grand time shooting it. i was already well off the sauce when we shot this, although the crew (and drunken chef himself) enjoyed some beers. i think it was equally fun just pretending.
have you ever woken up one day and realized you are a completely different person?
this is happening to me. over and over and over again.
complete transformation.
wtf [inthebestway].
it used to take so much time for me to change, and as i mentioned before, i seem to be changing faster and faster… at the speed of light.
even just a year ago i was still living in toxicity. so much better than before, but still attached to a way of life that did not serve me one freaking bit. alcohol? binge eating? exploiting myself?
however, through all the pain that i was not allowing myself to feel (with plenty of heavy medication of the herbal variety), my true self persevered.
i think about writing in my blog every single day. and yet i don’t. obvsly.
please forgive me.
it’s not that i don’t have things to share. i do. tons in fact. for example, it was my birthday on the 10th of december. AND, i recently shot an episode of the show BONES in November, which suddenly had to be reshot on said birthday. might sound like a bummer but it turned out to be exactly the steamy birthday gift from the universe i asked for. wrapped in one easy package! but what do you mean patty yu?
well kids, number one, patty yu asked for work. check. number two patty yu asked for some lovin on her birthday. CHECK.
WHA??? yes. that is correct. see, it was an unseasonably warm week before my bday. i was shooting the shit with the universe, you know, cracking jokes, making grand exclamations of gratitude, and just having a nice day together, when i teased that it’s my birthday in a few days and you know i want to ri-i-i-i-ide out. i say teased, because the reality of this happening in patty yu’s life as we currently know it is slim to none (that’s if i want to keep my self respect, know what i’m sayin ladees?). so i just kind of laughed it off and thought nothing of it. taylor was there, she’ll tell you.
Out of nowhere, the 2nd AD on Bones calls and says we might have to reshoot on my bday. holy crap. my very first love scene on network TV (did i mention that?) and it had to be re-shot. oy. a few thoughts went through my mind. did i not give them what they wanted? everyone seemed so pleased and satisfied that first day. what possibly went wrong?
in two words: TOO. SEXY.
damn.
sorry bout that.
i only did exactly what the director asked of me. but here’s the little lesson in the business: the producers enforce the censorship handbook in situations like these, and the FOX network is… well… you fill in the blank. i have nothing bad to say about anyone. there’s something for everyone in the world. yada yada.
this is the part where i get to MY POINT: even though everything seemed to be perfect that first day of shooting and i did everything asked of me, and the world seemed to be moving forward as usual after we finished, somehow i still managed to find myself on top of an attractive young actor on my birthday.
happy fucking birthday to me.
sure, he was married IRL and it was all pretend, but he was sweet, had great energy, was uber respectful, and there was no chance to take it too far. HOW FREAKING PERFECT IS THAT???
thanks universe. i know you got my back. love ya lots.
maybe my periods of silence come in part because it’s slightly difficult to explain to ya’ll these circumstances, considering i always bring my pal U[niverse] into the convo (what is this bitch on you’re probably asking) and thus it all starts to seem a bit out there.
maybe the silence comes in part because i feel like i’m changing at light speed, especially now that i’ve been living so healthy and not making excuses anymore and being totally accountable for myself and all my decisions. living the dream, instead of living in desire.
maybe the silence comes in part because i have a LOT to share. my photoshoot with lee from this summer for example. i’ve only shared a few images. and there are more. oh BOY are there more. (i’ll be sure to explain my irrational complexes surrounding these images another time i promise.)
but when it really comes down to it… silly me…
i just feel kinda…
shy.
it makes no sense, i know, but that’s how i feel sometimes. i am only human after all.
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.” — Carl Jung
if you follow me on twitter or facebook, you have been privy to my barrage of various inspirational quotes of late.
how apropo carl, how apropo.
it’s true though, i have definitely been on an idealism binge. this one is pretty serious. i mean, i was always a super idealistic kid. astrology will tell you it’s in my nature (sadge duh) and i have only ever continually validated that assumption throughout my life. i mean look at what i’m setting out to do here. it is an idealholic’s wet dream — cuz until you’re truly in it, this business makes no promises. no promises at all. not of fame and definitely not of fortune.
absolutely no guarantees except the one in my soul.
the last few months have been beautiful in so many ways. so much happiness, love, and excitement in more than one avenue of my life. this did not come without a few minor disappointments, maybe a major one too, but goddamn it if it wasn’t so much fucking fun.
the gifts i received:
my theatrical soul agent and already a like-family friend.
a magical chance to audition for, get to director’s session with, and be called for avail, on a HUGE studio sequel, based on the casting directors remembering my audition from 3 years ago. wtf. i love this town.
so now, with my little army in place, it’s time for me to bring it. over and over and over again in every door that will accept me and never be upset if i don’t get something now and i will celebrate the shit out of all my near misses. because they remember.
and when the right role comes, i’ll be prepared with all my heartmindsoul.
no matter what the ups and downs of this business, i still love it. i love every single risk, every single try. every rejection humbling and useful to my spirit. thank you so much for this. i am so grateful to be here.
“Resist the temptation to yield to any sense of urgency. There’s no emergency. Your true direction will make itself known if you’re patient. “
these words helped me today.
i freaking love life. so many secret signs everywhere. so excited, happy, and feeling really good.
oh, btw i got an email today that made me shake with excitement for 30 minutes life is that good. funny thing is, it wasn’t even news. yet. obviously when it becomes news officially, i shall certainly share it with you.
oh, and some more photos from that little room shoot.
these two bad bitches at The Little Room Studio offered a deal through [my guilty pleasure] GROUPON and i took it. glad i did. love the shots and can’t wait to share more.
accept that it is your birthright to have a beautiful, fun, fullfilling life.
look for joy instead of disappointment.
be inspired by the things that you see in the world.
be inspired by things that affect you.
it is ok for you to feel those things.
it is OK for you to FEEL.
you need to. for a reason.
that feeling is a message. and it has nothing to do with this or that or him or her. it has to do with you. it is a clue to your innermost secrets and desires. a clue to your true power. these clues can help you unlock great powers and heal old wounds if you can just step back and see where they guide you.
sometimes we feel things and they don’t feel comfortable. our minds race to give meaning to those feelings, grasping at the first object, person, or substance to project onto or escape with. this is very damaging behavior to our own souls as well as to our relationships with others. we think we’re “figuring out” those feelings, thus eliminating them, but in reality we’ve barely skimmed the surface. and they’re still there. and they’ll keep coming up. maybe about something else next time.
look within your heart. ask yourself WHY.
you owe it to yourself to understand what it is exactly you are afraid of so that you can overcome it. use those clues. that’s when you will know yourself. and when you know yourself, you will attract everything and everyone best for you…
and all your fears will release.
most of you are probably like, “WTF is this bitch talking about?” but i was inspired to write, and this is intended to be helpful and healing to any of you who connect with it. for those of you who don’t…
well it is the internetz after all.
(honestly, i could keep going on, but then i’ll get all gooshy and sentimental about how much i love everyone like the fucking clean hippie i am.) luv yous.
by my stargazing brother 
