CutebutDeadly.net

fairweather

i find myself going through spells where i don’t want to share anything.  or i feel like i’m boring you.  maybe i’m just boring myself.

but, you.

funny…i feel like i have a relationship with you.  the collective you.  though small you are, you do play a role in my life now.  and so sometimes i’m very drawn to you, but then other times i pull away and avoid you, knowing very well that i’ll be drawn in again.  you’re like a lover.

sometimes when i’m really feeling it, i get more flirtatious.  i share a lot.  flash a little skin.

i woo you with funny/pretty/weird things i make or find, hoping you’ll be entertained, and unavoidably wanting you to appreciate my strange tastes.

then suddenly i’m bored.  i need something you can’t give me.  the tangible.  touch.  feeling.  intimacy.

and so i grow restless.  hungry.  and i stray…

i rendezvous with my other lovers.  some i see regularly, others i go months without seeing –

(sorry yoga – we have amazing physical chemistry, but i’m in hollywood and you’re in atwater, plus i started seeing the ymca…  but i miss you.  and you know at some point i need you to turn me out like you always do.  dayum.)

but without fail…

i do.  always.  come.  back.

to.

you.

because you.  you.  are a mystery.  i don’t know how to read you… so that excites me.  haha fuck, do i always need a challenge?

yes.  apparently i do.

so let’s dance shall we?

i’m feelin it.

right.

now.

photo by:  leigha hodnet

potty time

The new W hotel is pretty nice.

mornin’

from leigha hodnet

squish

you know who took it

waywt (audition edition)

audition:  verizon

wardrobe description:  employee, upscale, classy, restaurant, business boardroom type.

say WHA??

what is the meaning of this?

pew pew pew

tempered egos

i was joking around with a friend yesterday — having some faux-competitive ego flexing — when he asked me what i wanted for stakes.

i was momentarily frozen, unable to think of something to wager, almost overwhelmed by the playful competition.  i proclaimed that i was sooo NOT really a competitive person, which lead him to ask, “how can you not be competitive?  you’re job is all about competition!”

and well, the answer is…i am actually competitive.  but, with myself.  i am always feeling like i need to do better.  to do more.  to do something nobody else has done.  however, when it comes to feeling competitive toward my actual, living, breathing competitors — the ones i see at auditions, that are reading for and being seen for the same roles as me — well, i learned that it doesn’t serve me the slightest to focus on them in that way.  to pin myself against them.

funny thing is, i used to do this.  back when i FIRST started, i used to go on IMDb and creep around all the other asian chicks in my age range to see what they’ve done, who they were repped by, how long they’ve been doing this.  and you know what?  it was awful for me.  it made me insecure and worried about what i DIDN’T have under my belt yet.  what I HADN’T accomplished.

the best thing i can do for my work is keep finding new outlets for expression and meeting people who inspire me.  it also truly helps to feel like i have an audience, so i thank all of ya’ll who follow this damn thing.  seriously.  if you wanna get interactive on this shit…i’d love to hear from ya.

inspire me.

another from lee clower of course.  a previous shoot…

btw, if you wanna click on MY IMDb, please feel free…

me time

god’s tears

a beautiful moment at my cousin’s wedding that took place at the Japanese Garden in Van Nuys.

my mom jokes that on her wedding day, god was moved to tears.

and then she laughs like it’s the funniest joke ever.

did ya feel?

some crazy energies were adrift the last few weeks.

enough to make me take a moody ass photo.