but look what i’ve got for you after all these months!! i recently got to partake in a project spawned from the creative labs of ELEVATE as a response to a Will Ferrell parody of the video Dear Woman, a video based on the “Manifesto for Conscious Men,” which has gotten quite a number of hits on Youtube and has raised a bit of discussion amongst men and women alike regarding the dance of the masculine and feminine energies that lie within all of us. now, i won’t go into all that too deep this time around, but let’s just say a yin yang ain’t only the decal on your weed grinders folks. we’ll get back to that one.

and thing is, because this is a topic that isn’t right up at the top of every person’s consciousness, it’s easy to make mockery of such, which is exactly what Will Ferrell and friends did with this gem:

Will Ferrell, i love you. which is why i am honored to be a participant of this letter to you, in “Dear Will Ferrell.” please watch, enjoy, rate, share…anything ya’ll feel. i love y’all!

the rapture.

JUDGMENT DAY.

i was indeed judged today. yup. i got hacked. and you know what my punishment was? 24 hours without facebook. i’d say i did pretty good.

thanks GOD. love ya.

for real though i’m really thankful for today, ya know? it’s kind of amazing really. the download i keep getting is that it is a judgment day of sorts for the collective consciousness. even if we know deep in our hearts that the world isn’t going to physically end for the majority of humans today, many of us are weighing this day in our minds. both our conscious AND subconscious minds. did you know our subconscious minds process 400 billion bits of information per second while our conscious minds only process 40 bits per second? and because you can consciously control your conscious mind, you can know well and good that nothing crazy is gonna go down today. you can rationalize the hell out of it and be focused on all your other shit and know the day is just gonna continue as per usual etc., etc….

but your subconscious mind is processing ALLLLLL possibilities. which means there is deep deep within you, something that is saying, “yes, but what if…”

and that ‘what if’ is a beautiful thing.

because what IF the world WAS ending today? what if it was? this is not to be fatalistic at all people. no. it is…

an opportunity.

maybe some people are only asking themselves in their subconscious minds and if you read this, then are encouraged to ask yourself consciously, but today… TODAY. today and the days that follow…

the question is:

was it all worth it?

i mean, isn’t that what facing our mortality all about?

judgment day. judgment day. i know my 3 dimensional reality will not end on this day. but what is ending, what has been ending for me through a whole process, is the restraint of my fully expressed self. these last few days i’ve heard the teeny tiny voices in there asking myself, “…ok. now… hypothetically speaking, let’s just say ‘what if.’ what if it did end… did i live my life fully? did i love fully? did i follow my dreams?”

and the answer?

yes. yes and yes. yes and yes and YESS!!!

and there is always room for more. let me repeat: there is always room for more.

more life. more dreams. more LOVE.

because all of that is infinite.

and i fully understand that i choose my path. that i can choose either suffering or i can choose love. this is the human condition. and for me, after years of digging deep into my heart to release all the stuff that was blocking love, i face myself today and i love what i see because all i see is love. i look into the world and all i see is love. i see every single human being and all i see is love. every single animal, every single plant, every single star, every single pixel of space. every single fractal of existence.

this beautiful beautiful beautiful hologram we call life.

i am so grateful.

i’m grateful for you for reading this and allowing me the opportunity to share. truly. creating this blog almost two years ago was therapy for me and knowing i had readers checking in from all over the world inspired me to live with the highest integrity, which is truly a healing healing gift and i thank you.

and i’m grateful i got hacked. i’m grateful i can’t sign into fb for another 12 hours and 59 min. not that i’m counting.

but the lockout gave me space to give the other outlets some lovin. if you follow my twitter or blog, you may have noticed i have been a bit negligent. but it’s only because i’ve been uber present in my non-digital life.

except for fb. find me suckas and let’s be friends. (Patty YUniverse) <— i know, i know. and i make zero apologies for my dorkdom.

i love yous.

photo by miss tay tay.

so yeahhh…

the time finally came for me to vlog out. what kind of person does these things? these little vlog things?

me. apparently.

i mean, rather than start another written post saying long it’s been since i’ve blogged blah blah blah blah blah, i decided to just talk it out. OH BOY did i talk it out. BEWARE. 10 minutes of yours truly and that’s after editing it down.

you’re welcome.

and well, not to reveal anything in there, but you’ve probably already read about some of the shifts i’ve been going through and all i wanna say to preface my video (if it resonates with you) is that every person will find a way that works for him or her, but the key to all things in life is intention, and i only encourage each and every single one of you on your path to full health and happiness. i’ve picked up a LOT of tools in the last year that i will continue to share.

my growth involved many transitions and phases, but the one specific thing i cannot stress enough to every single person who reads this is to go ORGANIC and only support sustainable, HUMANE farming practices. do it for your body, for your children, for your future, for OUR future.

also, if there was one thing i did not mention in my video that i would say now is:

MORE ALIENS.

this will have more relevance in the near future, but leaving it at that for now.

i freaking love yous.

This decision is a devastating blow to our democracy and the basic rights of farmers to choose how they want to grow food on their land and protect the rights of consumers who are increasingly buying organic and sustainably grown food for its positive health and environmental impacts. Please join me in telling President Obama that you’re deeply disappointed in his decision and want a ban on GMO alfalfa.

My letter to the president:

Dear President Obama,

It was during your race for the presidency that i felt renewed hope in the future of our country. For the first time since seeing the world through the eyes of a naive little girl, I felt a renewed hope that we would together create a country that stands united for the betterment of mankind. I saw a glimmer of the future and I knew that you would be elected, and that you would be a beacon of light, who would inspire masses and bring forth great substantial change. I remember reassuring those who were still wrought with the old paradigm of fear that you would go on to lead us. I had unwavering faith.

When you came into office, I saw you and Michelle Obama as true examples of a new standard that all human beings should be held up to. Michelle’s leadership on the health front showed me it was possible that our leaders could truly care about the highest good of our citizens, rather than the pockets of the richest of rich.

When I learned about the Monsanto GMO alfalfa, the fear almost returned. I say almost because the fight isn’t over. But although I have no fear, much of that hope you once inspired was replaced with deep disappointment. Two years ago I would have NEVER imagined that your administration could possibly approve such a move. Perhaps that little girl in me, the idealistic dreamer, was unrealistic in believing that a historic president like you would be impervious to bending to the will of such powerhouses of control. I am saddened, and that little girl in me weeps for this fragment of broken dreams.

However, I want you to know that I believe the people will rise to the occasion. I believe that the people will vote with their dollars. I believe that we are the change we seek. Truly. Deeply. And while this plea to reverse your decision may fall on deaf ears, I am inspired and invigorated by the voice of the people who are standing up fearlessly for what is RIGHT. For what is in the best interest of the collective. And although this decision is a tremendous disappointment, it gives fuel to the movement and awakening of my fellow human beings. We refuse to be in chains and I promise that I will do everything in my power to help mankind, step by step, little by little, to free ourselves from the grasp of powers we did NOT choose in this lifetime. I do this for my parents. I do this for my future children. I do this for my neighbors. I do this for my country. I do this for my world. I do this for my planet. I do this for me. And I do this for you.

Thank you for what change you have brought into place so far. I encourage you to live fearlessly, President Obama. There is only now, and our purpose here is to live in truth.

Live truth. Live free. Live love.

Patty Yu

lots of stuff in this first month of 2011…where do i begin? i suppose first of all, you should know i discovered that all this time since high school i’ve been typing incorrectly and losing the hearts of typographers everywhere by putting not one, but TWO spaces after each period of a sentence. not my fault! thanks, north carolina typing class teacher. needless to say, i will NOT be going back through my whole blog to correct this travesty.

DEAL, typographers.

next on the list: the episode of BONES that i appeared in aired last week. wohoo! t’was a non-speaking co-star, but i mentioned previously about having to reshoot the “love” scene because it was too sexy. apparently, sex — according to FOX network — does not involve any movement whatsoever. the first time we shot it i was specifically requested to rock wit u, but then the second time i was explicitly told, “less gyrating.”

MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, FOX.

anyhow, here’s a screen-capture — click it to watch the full episode on imdb:

this episode is written by an asian american writer and contains some content that miiight be construed as stereotyping…i dunno you tell me haha (i will play dumb for now). i found it humorous (don’t like to take everything too seriously ya know?), but perhaps it’s a way to start a dialogue. thoughts? i would love to know what ya’ll think after you watch it…

AND THEN the last order of business is…wait for it…

DRUNKEN CHEF!

my friends Courtney and Jose created a web series of that very title, and it stars Jose, as himself, as The Drunken Chef. they asked me to guest star in this episode and we had a grand time shooting it. i was already well off the sauce when we shot this, although the crew (and drunken chef himself) enjoyed some beers. i think it was equally fun just pretending.

enjoy…

this doesn’t mean i NEVER did what i knew i had to do.  i did.  it just certainly took a while* even though i always knew in my heart who i could be.

i used to repeat my “story” as an excuse.

“Once upon a time… blah blah blah… and that’s how i got all fucked up in life, so that’s why i can’t be what you want me to be.”

ooh… that’s interesting.  “what you want me to be… “  that just sort of slipped out, but it’s profound.  why do we go through life thinking we need to be what others want us to be?  this is social conditioning i would say.  we’re usually raised by parents, who were raised by parents, who were raised by parents, and so on.  all of whom did their best to teach their children how to be, but maybe didn’t always have the best tools.  it’s not anyone’s fault.  every mother has been a daughter.  every father has been a son.  and they each and all have a story as well.

so when do we forgive our parents for “fucking us up” and move the fuck on?  well, there is only the now, my friends.

did you know that up until age six, a child’s brain frequency is constantly in theta?  this frequency allows our brains to absorb massive amounts of information that is stored in our long-term memories (in our subconscious minds).  it is an evolutionary gift, but most people have no idea about this.  i certainly didn’t — not until recently at least, due to my previously inactive brain waking up and hungering for masses of information.

ok, so what does this mean?  well, do you remember at any point of your childhood being told you couldn’t do/have something because you weren’t being good enough?  because you don’t deserve it?  were you ever told you were acting stupid?  or being crazy?  if you don’t remember this, just go to the supermarket and observe some young parents with their kids.  this is rampant in our world.

alas… if only we had known then how destructive this can be to a child.  the thing is, children don’t yet have a fully developed conscious mind yet at that age, and so they operate on many primal urges of wanting, being fearful, angry, envious, but also loving, caring, playful, and being all around little delights.

children ARE.  they are the quintessential example of how to just BE.

however, many parents (though meaning well) expect their little ones to be perfect NOW.  and so they unintentionally teach children that the natural, human, primal urge to feel every spectrum of emotion is somehow WRONG.  at that age, a child is really this wondrous, living-in-the-now, adorable little hard drive in constant download mode, taking in every word, every action, and every reaction that the parent is saying/having (both toward the child or toward his/her partner in front of the child).

to put it all together, when in theta brainwave frequency, a child’s brain stores EVERY SINGLE WORD AND ACTION it is exposed to.  and through various other kinds of patterns and conditioning that occur at that time, a child’s subconscious “personality” is formed.  have you not noticed how we sometimes become just like our parents or like the people who were most influential in our childhood lives?  it is not a coincidence that the most supported children grow up to be balanced, while those who experience traumas develop deep psychological issues.

WHEW.  ok.  this is not a lesson on parenting, i promise.  this is actually to give us all insight into why WE do the things we do.  why WE sabotage ourselves.  why WE may go through life knowing very well how amazing and powerful and creative we are, but then constantly “fucking up,” or making excuses for things.  it is insight into why we resist change so much.  we often know our full potential in our hearts, but we subconsciously resist changing all the bad habits that prevent us from being our highest selves.

why?  because we downloaded subconscious beliefs that we aren’t good enough.  that we aren’t smart enough.  that we’re messy.  wild.  crazy.

out. of. control.

sure we also downloaded a lot of good things.  great things.  amayyyyzing things!!!  but until we become conscious of that other stuff we unconsciously downloaded, we’ll continue to live two versions of ourselves.

who are you?  who do you want to be?

what’s keeping you from being the YOU you know you are?

check in with yourselves daily, my loves.  see yourself.  you are already your highest self.  the only thing in the way of you being the person you dream to be is just a program.  a mirage.  you have all the power in the world to re-program yourself.  focus on your true self.  know who you are.  is that you who reacts with a temper?  is that you who is out of control?  is that you who doesn’t believe you can do it?

i know that you know in your heart who you really are.  tap in.  feel yourself.  free yourself.  love yourself.  all of this was a lesson to learn that you have every ability to grow and change and then TEACH.  we are all teachers.  we are all conduits of love.

i love you so much.  i am you and you are me and without each other we wouldn’t exist.  for this reason i am so grateful for you.  so so grateful for you that i may experience this journey.  what an amazing journey this life is.  there is no reason to struggle against it, and all the reason to flow with it.  when you become aware of who you truly are, you begin to attract the riches of your imagination into your life effortlessly.  struggling is just another obstacle that we are creating.  the more we try, the more we are just trying!

so just do.  just be.  be you.  be that wonderful, amazing, loving you that i love so much.

because you are divine.

and remember that it will take effort.  but there are lots of tricks.  lots and lots of tricks my loves!

like bringing yourself back into theta frequency.  this is the frequency right before you go into deep sleep.  setting intentions, writing and visualizing the glorious being that you are right before bed is a fantastic start.  meditation!!!  even hypnotherapy**.  there are so many resources out there that help you deprogram negativo subconscious patterns.

so if any of this post resonates with you, i encourage you to explore yourself.  i see many people in my life doing this already, and i have no doubt that those of you i don’t know personally have been awakening as well.  all you creative, beautiful beings.

i love you all so much!

*i say here that it “took a while” but i must elaborate that i believe now that everything happened in exactly the amount of time it was meant to happen.  it always does for all of us.  it just is.  feeling that “urgency” was just another program!  now it’s time to feel the flow flow flow…

**a gift for you: audio hypnotherapy track.  put it on your itunes or put it on your phone/ipod and play it just as you’re about to go to sleep every night or when you have time to lie down for a nap during the day.  you don’t have to do anything else!  it sounds kind of intense if you listen to it at first, but it will take you into theta and deprograms negative subconscious beliefs.  i dare you to try to remain conscious throughout — it’s challenging!  OH and do not use while driving!

this is happening to me.  over and over and over again.

complete transformation.

wtf [inthebestway].

it used to take so much time for me to change, and as i mentioned before, i seem to be changing faster and faster… at the speed of light.

even just a year ago i was still living in toxicity.  so much better than before, but still attached to a way of life that did not serve me one freaking bit.  alcohol?  binge eating?  exploiting myself?

however, through all the pain that i was not allowing myself to feel (with plenty of heavy medication of the herbal variety), my true self persevered.

i knew…

there are so many turning points i don’t even know how to begin listing them.  but the most influential step was my change in HEALTH.  this change began with removing toxic foods.  good GOD, i truly hope and wish for all people to realize how much eating toxic, non-organic, cooked denatured food FUCKS WITH YOU.  it fucks with ALL of your being — body, mind, spirit.  these are all so connected my loves.  i wish for all of you to feel liberated like i do.

it was no one person’s fault in my life that i was eating cooked, denatured foods as the staple.  habits are usually passed down from generation to generation.  through memes, society, and culture.  what American kid doesn’t like to chow down on some freakin’ pizza for example???  Oooh yum, a non-organic, gmo wheat crusted, hormone injected cheesy, sulfite infused meaty grease pancake?  MMMmmmmmMMmmm… can’t wait to feed that to my future kids!!!  i am baffled by parents who feed themselves so well, but then give in to their child’s demands for junk food.  who knows best here???

listen folks, i don’t mean to get all preachy up on a soap box or anything.  i just CARE ABOUT YOU.  soooo much!  and i hate seeing my fellow human beings suffering and in pain, just like i was a few years ago.  what i didn’t realize for so much of my life was that in actuality, i was severely malnourished.  and thing is, we don’t see what’s going on in our bodies, so sometimes we don’t always recognize what we feel in our bodies.

how did my lack of health manifest in my life then?  well… the best way i can explain is that i projected all that lack onto how i experienced my external environment.  bear with me, this might be confusing, but i was two versions of myself.  the internal experience of my life was mired in frustration, insecurity, anger, dependencies, jealousy, discomfort, dread, paranoia, possessiveness, fear, self loathing, judgment, dissatisfaction.  totally outta control.

people who know me would probably say, “what?  what do you mean?  we never see you like that.  you’re the most stable person i know!”  well, that’s what i thank all you people for.  everyone ELSE in my life (and by this i mean both the people within close proximity to my physical being AND every single human being on this freaking planet), gave me a grounding force for my true self — my true self that i could hold for others — loving, caring, helpful, steadfast, trustworthy, compassionate, seeing, knowing.  that is my true self.  this is always who i knew i am.

somehow i could hold that for others, but internally i was crying out so much inside with pain and not giving myself this love.  i became a serial [codependent] monogamist.  strings of codependent relationships (long and short) that both kept me from self-combustion but also still enabled my pain.  through the love i have for people i could maintain part of my best self for them when they needed me, but truthfully i still needed to be needed/wanted.  and because i wasn’t living my highest self, i wasn’t attracting others living their highest self either.  so in every relationship i created i was still clawing at ideals, knowing things weren’t right and trying to “fix” them, but not necessarily having the right tools.

whew.  this is heavy shit folks.  did i lose anyone there?

i’d say my transformation really kicked off years ago, with many ups and downs, lots of progress, and plenty of relapsing.  but in the last six months the change has been a whirlwind.  i was never a super heavy drinker, but alcohol fell away halfway through 2010 and i don’t see it coming back anytime soon.  there’s just no space for it anymore in my life.  what a waste of time really.  for me.  no judgment.

then the food choices really changed for good within the last six months as well.  i started eating only organic and mostly raw, living food.  nature’s best.

god’s candy.

the affect this has had on my body, mind, and soul is just extraordinary and fucking magical.  to be honest, the reason i started this shift in diet had many reasons based out of vanity.  the business i’m in puts a lot of pressure on women to be slim and i was having a difficult time controlling my intake of food (why?  I WAS MALNOURISHED!!!).  and yes.  i’ve gotten physically measurable results.  and i literally CURED my allergies.  they’re gone.  GONE.  not just lessened, reduced, or milder anymore.  they’ve completely DISAPPEARED.

but i’ve also gained so much more.

what i’ve now gained because of changing my diet is beyond anything i could have hoped.  i am seeing my real body for the first time in years.  i see myself exactly how i am.  there have been times in the past where i dropped weight and i still saw something else.  i was still dissatisfied.  always deficient in some way.

but now i see.  i see me.  cleansing my whole physical self freed up so much energy in my body that my mental and spiritual self healed as well.

how?  mentally i’m sharper than ever before.  and ravenous for new information.  this lead me to also give up the ganj, which was my medicine for a very long time.  again, it just seems a waste of time right now.  i’m enjoying clarity too much to fuzz that shit up.

and spiritually?

well.

where the fuck do i begin folks?  this is some seriously metaphysical shit that may need to be shared in another post because it will certainly take more than a few sentences.  but what i do want to say is that i remember as a child believing that i had super powers.

and often our innocent, pure children are the real harbingers of truth.

um… leaving it at that for now.

ok, i won’t leave you just with that.  but spiritually i’ve awoken to love.  truly loving myself and being able to give love to all.  i didn’t love myself before.  i wasn’t happy.  i didn’t enjoy life.  and now i do.  there’s so much love i don’t know what to do with it!  it’s just pouring out these days.  i love you all so much.  i’ve always felt the collective energy of my fellow human beings and there is just an overwhelming need for love in this world.  i love you so much.  so so much.  i promise to do everything in my power to show you true love.  there is nothing i want more in life than to find a way for you to feel true, unwavering, unconditional love.  i intend to do so and i know you’ll all join me as you awaken in spirit as well.  so much love.  so much love lying dormant within all you lovely little creatures.  meow yum.

we’re coming into an age where it is no longer about give or take, peeps.  instead it’s about give and receive.  because receiving is giving too.  giving and taking is just buying and you just can’t buy love.

love unconditionally and it will just come around back to you.  that is truly how it works people.

have a good look at yourself and love yourself.  love every part of you — the best and the worst.  release the guilt.  release the judgment.  release the shame.  release everything that doesn’t serve you.  they aren’t yours.  they never were yours.  and it’s not anyone’s fault.  everyone did the best they could with the tools they had.  our bodies are made up of a trail of generations before us, and it holds so much that isn’t us, but we can release it, with compassion being the number one tool.

harness this tool and you’ll unlock your own powers.  you’ll free yourself from the chains of the past.  you will cream your pants at how good it feels.

i promise.

love yous.

photo by tay tay

please forgive me.

it’s not that i don’t have things to share.  i do.  tons in fact.  for example, it was my birthday on the 10th of december.  AND, i recently shot an episode of the show BONES in November, which suddenly had to be reshot on said birthday.  might sound like a bummer but it turned out to be exactly the steamy birthday gift from the universe i asked for.  wrapped in one easy package!  but what do you mean patty yu?

well kids, number one, patty yu asked for work.  check.  number two patty yu asked for some lovin on her birthday.  CHECK.

WHA???  yes.  that is correct.  see, it was an unseasonably warm week before my bday.  i was shooting the shit with the universe, you know, cracking jokes, making grand exclamations of gratitude, and just having a nice day together, when i teased that it’s my birthday in a few days and you know i want to ri-i-i-i-ide out.  i say teased, because the reality of this happening in patty yu’s life as we currently know it is slim to none (that’s if i want to keep my self respect, know what i’m sayin ladees?).  so i just kind of laughed it off and thought nothing of it.  taylor was there, she’ll tell you.

Out of nowhere, the 2nd AD on Bones calls and says we might have to reshoot on my bday.  holy crap.  my very first love scene on network TV (did i mention that?) and it had to be re-shot.  oy.  a few thoughts went through my mind.  did i not give them what they wanted?  everyone seemed so pleased and satisfied that first day.  what possibly went wrong?

in two words:  TOO.  SEXY.

damn.

sorry bout that.

i only did exactly what the director asked of me.  but here’s the little lesson in the business:  the producers enforce the censorship handbook in situations like these, and the FOX network is… well… you fill in the blank.  i have nothing bad to say about anyone.  there’s something for everyone in the world.  yada yada.

this is the part where i get to MY POINT:  even though everything seemed to be perfect that first day of shooting and i did everything asked of me, and the world seemed to be moving forward as usual after we finished, somehow i still managed to find myself on top of an attractive young actor on my birthday.

happy fucking birthday to me.

sure, he was married IRL and it was all pretend, but he was sweet, had great energy, was uber respectful, and there was no chance to take it too far.  HOW FREAKING PERFECT IS THAT???

thanks universe.  i know you got my back.  love ya lots.

maybe my periods of silence come in part because it’s slightly difficult to explain to ya’ll these circumstances, considering i always bring my pal U[niverse] into the convo (what is this bitch on you’re probably asking) and thus it all starts to seem a bit out there.

maybe the silence comes in part because i feel like i’m changing at light speed, especially now that i’ve been living so healthy and not making excuses anymore and being totally accountable for myself and all my decisions.  living the dream, instead of living in desire.

maybe the silence comes in part because i have a LOT to share.  my photoshoot with lee from this summer for example.  i’ve only shared a few images.  and there are more.  oh BOY are there more.  (i’ll be sure to explain my irrational complexes surrounding these images another time i promise.)

but when it really comes down to it… silly me…

i just feel kinda…

shy.

it makes no sense, i know, but that’s how i feel sometimes.  i am only human after all.

gulp.

well, now you know my weakness.

IT’S OVER.

kidding.

and here’s a photo.

oh shit!

happy birthday to YOU.

by my stargazing brother lee clower

excessive as it’s become (as with all American EVERYTHING), it is one of my favorite times of the year.

why?

well, for one, i can actually feel the surge of collective gratitude emanating around us.

thanksgiving is one of those holidays where, even though humans are scrambling and stressing to buy just the right things to complete just the right process to create just the right colon blockage, we are also insistently reminded to think of what we appreciate in our lives.

what we are thankful for.

wow.  i mean you can feel it if you just slowed down a second.

if you close your eyes…

breathe slowly in and out of your nose…

and let time slow down…

the gratitude is practically…

palpable.

THIS is the power of the collective mind.  THIS is what we should be doing EVERY MUTHA FUCKIN DAY.

this is HEALING.

we are so lucky, my fellow humans.  we are SO SO SO SO SO freaking lucky.  and did you know?  when we take these moments to be grateful for all the wonderful gifts the universe brings us, whether it’s material success or personal challenges, if we all just start to see these as gifts, and we navigate through both the successes and challenges equally with grace and gratitude, then the universe will only bestow even more gifts to us.

call it God, call it Luck, call it Manifestation, call it whatever the flying fuck you want.

but i will tell you right now, withOUT gratitude and growth, there is little room created for abundance.  let’s look at relationships for example.  whenever one fuck feels taken for granted by another fuck, the first fuck starts to WITHHOLD.  this is not a foreign concept to most of you, as you have probably all been in one or both of those roles (god knows this bitch has), so let’s all just be honest with ourselves.

anyhow, i’m not here to make anyone rehash old heartaches or any of that bullshit, i just want to remind ya’ll that we are all powerfully creative beings who CREATE our lives — our REALITIES.  and in order to really live life fully, we really must learn to hold onto this feeling of gratitude and practice it every day.

take 60 seconds and close your eyes.

feel the beautiful, positive energy that connects us all today.  do you feel it?  do you feel the joy that’s been putting a hop and skip in the step of strangers all around you as you prepare for this day?  FEEL IT.  hug it.  kiss it.  hell, rub up on it, hump it, whatever you feel compelled to do to it — no judgement — it probably enjoys it as much as you do.  but really feel it!

now imagine yourself harnessing that love with your heart and send that healing energy to all your friends, your loved ones, your babies, your animals, your bosses, your co-workers, your community, all the people you come in contact with today…

but even more importantly, send it out to the rest of the world, to our fellow human beings, to others who have much fewer material luxuries than we do, to others who are suffering from malnutrition, from hunger, from homelessness, from disease, and despair.  take this moment to realize that we have so much.

we have SO MUCH.

i am so grateful for all my fellow human beings.  i am so grateful to have a healthy, active mind that can visualize and see a future where humans understand that fighting serves no purpose anymore.  i am so grateful for such amazing, beautiful diversity in our world that we share.  i am so grateful to have the ability and opportunities to serve others, to help others, to encourage others.  i am so grateful for all the challenges that life presents, and grateful for the opportunity to meet and overcome those challenges.  i am so grateful for the ability to change and grow, this ability that is innate within all of us.  every single one of us.  i am grateful for every single human being in this world.  every person, regardless of where you are on the path to self realization, whether you are still lost in the dark, living in the light, or walking the journey in between.  i am so grateful for you.  i am so grateful and i have so much love for every single one of you because you are me and i am you and without each other we would not exist.

i am so grateful.  so so grateful.  my heart just overflows with love for all of you.

today is so beautiful because there is so much of that love energy flowing.  let’s remember to live in love every day my friends.  imagine if we all loved each other this much every day, what that collective flow of love would feel like next thanksgiving.  how much that field of energy will have grown.  if we vowed to love this much everyday, imagine how many hearts we could heal.  if we vowed to love this much everyday, imagine how the world would heal.

i imagine this everyday.

everyday i imagine this.

and my heart just continues to fill with love.  and i realize that love is limitless.  love is infinite.  love is ever present and always there for you to tap into.  love is so abundant that it will always overflow.  all you need to do is feel it.  it’s right here for you.  it’s right here.

right here.

and if you are confused and you can’t feel it, it’s ok.  and just know that i love you.  i love you.  i love you so much.  i love you so so much.  and i know that whatever challenge you face is one you have the ability to overcome.  and i believe in you.  i really do.  there is so much love in my heart and it’s here for you.

so if anything, feel my heart.  because i love you.  unconditionally.

i love you so much.

i love you so much.

so so so much, my beautifuls.

i love you so much.

xxxxxx

if you follow me on twitter or facebook, you have been privy to my barrage of various inspirational quotes of late.

how apropo carl, how apropo.

it’s true though, i have definitely been on an idealism binge.  this one is pretty serious.  i mean, i was always a super idealistic kid.  astrology will tell you it’s in my nature (sadge duh) and i have only ever continually validated that assumption throughout my life.  i mean look at what i’m setting out to do here.  it is an idealholic’s wet dream — cuz until you’re truly in it, this business makes no promises.  no promises at all.  not of fame and definitely not of fortune.

absolutely no guarantees except the one in my soul.

quote that motherfuckers!

my point is.  where do i draw a line?  sure, i am a hardcore idealism junkie at this point, but if i wasn’t i wouldn’t still be here chipping away and starting to see the budding fruits of my labor.  all my big dreams are the driving force behind so many of my actions, when otherwise i just wouldn’t care enough to try.  am i the only one here?  i guess you should know that my ideal vision is that of a long career based entirely from creative work.  i want to make life-long friends who inspire me, meet new people all the time, travel the world while doing it, and create fun, fulfilling, exciting projects, all the while spreading love and inspiration, and sharing what i have with the whole wide world.

is that so unrealistic???

yes, idealism is definitely like a drug sometimes.  i believe that at one point i abused idealism and i was so drunk and retarded on it that i thought things would just happen to me, and so maybe that meant i didn’t have to work so hard.  [maybe not so] coincidentally, that’s also when i was living a very i-don’t-give-a-fuck life where i would drink too much on a semi-regular basis, hold onto relationships that didn’t work, or even darker, walk a fine line between dating and being exploited.

[shudder]

ultimately that was by nobody but myself.

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

ok, that one’s not jung, but it’s very relevant ok?  it was selfish.  all i was really doing was fueling my wussy addictions.  sure, i might not have been a coked out trainwreck, but the patterns that i was calling my “life” at the time were getting in the way of me actually doing anything REAL.  i was using.  whether it be substances (like alcohol or sugar), relationships, negative thought patterns, or self-sabotage, i was using those things to escape my responsibilities in creating the life i envision.  and that’s the difference.  when you use it correctly (medicinally?) idealism can be a tool used in actualizing your dreams.  the operative word being actualizing.  you cannot forge an acting [or any] career just based on dreaming alone.  you have to do a shit ton of work and when it comes to acting, much of that work is emotional and spiritual in nature.  you cannot be a miserable fuck and expect to get tons of acting roles NOT the part of “miserable fuck.”  it is just not possible.  at least not for me.  there are not slews of breakdowns calling for miserable fucking asian chicks, i can promise you that.

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people. ” — Carl Jung

– and in an actor’s case, dealing with the darkness of characters you play.  see, there very well could be a role one day that calls for a miserable fuck, but what they don’t tell you is that usually, the actual miserable fuck doesn’t get the job and instead, the guy who gets it is that well balanced person who is able to access their inner miserable fuck because ultimately, nobody wants to hang around a real miserable fucking fuck.  YA FOLLOW?

SO, how do you become well balanced?

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” — Carl Jung

Oh, carl, you.  you’re right.  you’re always right!  It can be very painful to let go of things, emotions, patterns, and especially relationships.  but he’s right.  sometimes you have to let go of old attachments that no longer serve you (or worse, that enable toxic behavior) in order to progress to higher ground.  sigh.  C to the J you are the man.  if you were alive, i would sooo let you psychoanalyze the shit outta me.  HOT.

i recently stumbled upon this glorious page of quotes, after what was probably another late night psychoanalysis-based astrology bender, and i fell in lurrrrve.  carl speaks to me.  he describes all this shit that i had basically been going through on my own the last few years.  and since that fateful day, i have been quite quote-happy in hopes of inspiring others and to offer encouragement.  i see so much talent, creativity, and passion everyday from all kinds of people in all walks of life.  on the freaking internetz!  facepoo!  twatter!  i lurve youz!  it makes me so happy!!  ALL i want to do EVER is to encourage ya’ll to tap into your creative powers all the time!!!  together we can save the world!!!

oh silly sadge and her ideals.

and yes, carl, this means i do still heed your warning about idealism seriously, because the danger of living completely in the world of ideals is the risk of ending up being completely disconnected from the real world, never being happy with relationships, and/or missing out on the beauty of life that is happening in the HERE and NOW while chasing my idealistic dreams.  oh that and winding up alone and childless forever.  ouch.

so i am declaring my intention to fully awaken to the present, to enjoy life, and to always be grateful for what i have NOW.  and i encourage you to declare this intention as well.  the rest will follow.  i know this.  i trust this.

live this.

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.  Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” — C to the J