yesterday, on what was a perfectly crisp fall night, the subject of pee dreams came up. and when i say it “came up,” i mean i drank a big glass of water to save myself from the death thirst right before bed and thought, “shit, i’m gonna have to pee in the middle of the night,” which was immediately followed by, “OooOOooo, but maybe i’ll have a pee dream!”
then i twittered it.
have you ever had one of those? i don’t know about you, but mine are kind of fun. they weren’t fun when i was four because i’d actually pee, but luckily i’ve grown out of that. i think.
so my pee dreams as they’ve evolved over the years:
i’m dreaming. i don’t know i’m dreaming. i have to pee. i have to pee really really really bad.
sometimes it’s normal — toilet. sit. pee. maybe it’s a hotel room, or a restaurant…i dunno, but it’s fairly normal.
otherwise — and here’s where my psyche is fucked up — there’s some obstacle. and when i say obstacle it’s something like all i have is a urinal, or it’s some gnarly toilet out of trainspotting, or worse: a sink. yes, a sink. MY PSYCHE forces me to PEE IN A SINK in my dreams.
THANKS, subconscious. thanks a whole flippin’ lot.
then here’s the other torturous part. regardless of the venue, without fail i will pee and pee and pee and pee, and it’s kind of satisfying, but i’m always in a rush to finish, and there is just a neverending supply of piss. somehow i’ll finish, zip up, and try to go back to doing something, and then I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN! i have had up to FOUR PEES in one dream. FINALLY i’ll wake the fuck up and stumble in the dark to go pee for real. and it’ll be one of the best half asleep pees EVER.
as torturous as these dreams are, i’ve grown to love and appreciate them. it’s like the ‘life’ my [sub]consciousness creates while my physical self is in storage mode. my dream life you could say (disturbing). or maybe it’s the complicated way my brain tells itself to wake up my body. an experiential reminder [or illustration] of how to relieve my bursting bladder maybe?
i dunno. but it’ll be fun until i become incontinent. livin it up while i still can…OH YES.
baxter in a sink. instead of pee.
Posted 2 years, 7 months ago. Add a comment
it’s been a minute since i posted something new so i feel compelled to submit an entry. look at that. slave to you. how’d that fucking happen? look how much power you have over me.
anyway, i have been deliciously busy the last two weeks with a good number of auditions and callbacks to most of them. i guess i can’t complain about not having too many auditions because i get called back a lot. i’d rather have fewer auditions and a high callback ratio than a ton of auditions and a low callback ratio. it means my agents are doing a good job submitting me for the appropriate jobs for my type. AND that i’m doing well in the room too. so yay. high fives all around. i smell a job around the corner.
i am also meeting with a theatrical agent sometime in the next two weeks. this is an agent who i think will be a great match and we’ve been emailing to figure out a time to meet. i’m very eager to get back into the game theatrically (film and tv). ARGHHH I CAN’T WAIT. but let’s not get too desperate now…it always shows. chill the fuck out, patty.
actually…i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. i tend to get really excited about things…ideas, possibilities, etc.. maybe i get a bit overzealous and scare people off a little. i dunno. but it’s ok…i’ve also experienced the magic of meeting the right people and sparks flare and big shit happens. i love that. so anyway…i’ll just continue being my excitable self thank you very much and with the right match, things will just GO.
luckily, i also get over shit fast when things don’t work out — it helps tremendously in this business. you’re rejected so much that you better be able to get over it fast, boy. my advice to any aspiring actors out there: get over shit. FAST. go to your audition and then forget about it. IMMEDIATELY. or else you’ll carry that into the next one and it’ll fuck your shit up and then you’ll hate yourself and then you won’t be able to stop thinking about it and it’ll fuck your shit up even MORE. it’s a vicious cycle, and so utterly pointless, so just stop it.
this is one seriously loosened bowel of written poo and i won’t torture you with much more. when there’s meatier topics, there will be more solidly formed poo. still talking blog here, people.
someone slap me now.
uh…and here’s a photo i posted on superfuture yesterday. woo.
Posted 2 years, 8 months ago. Add a comment
as we all get older, time just seems to move faster.
the years are starting to fly, and i can’t even imagine how fast it will feel when i’m 80. every year an even smaller fraction of my life.
but life feels really good right now…
i can’t explain it.
it just feels good.
Posted 2 years, 11 months ago. Add a comment
just the other day, my girlfriend told me that they say it’s healthier when people are total sluts in their sex dreams. and i realized that i am a total fucking PRUDE in my dreams. beyond prude. i’m like permanently programmed in PG-13. i mean, i don’t even feel comfortable calling them sex dreams; they are THAT far from being anything that’s even remotely exciting. they’re totally prepubescent dreams. it’s like i’m still an 11 year old dreaming about Uncle Jesse in Full House. heh…that was such a good dream.
plus, this makes me realize there must be something deeper holding me back. some constructs created from my childhood or something. and maybe it’s holding me back in life too…in my enjoyment of life and in achieving my goals. and THAT, people, is no good. no good at all.
me having dreams tamer than what they can show on network television is pathetic and i’m going to do something about it! so i’m going to try lucid dreaming again. i had this book in high school that taught me about it, and after some practice, had really focused my mind to recognize when i was dreaming. a few times i was able to stay asleep (i would often wake up) after the realization.
i am putting my intention out there to relax and have more fun in my dreams. why deny? no. i’m TAKING what i want…i mean, it’s a freaking dream!!! nothing can go wrong — it’s all in your head! everyone should try this!!
I think this will be a good exercise in life too. you know…the going after what you want part. not…being a slut. necessarily.
Posted 3 years ago. 1 comment
i am so spoiled. i am so grateful for everything i have — all the amazing people in my life, the opportunities that come my way, and the colorful days. there is no where else i want to be, and nothing else i want to do. if i could, i would kiss the hell out of life. fuck yeah.
Posted 3 years, 1 month ago. Add a comment