CATTACKED
maybe it’s sick. maybe it’s twisted.
but now i won’t suffer through it alone hahahaha…suckas!
all photos will be taken upon first discovering the kill, wherever my cat leaves it. the 50 times before tonight that i had to dispose of a critter body, i was disgusted and disturbed. tonight, it suddenly had purpose. i mean…if it’s gonna happen, give it artistic value i guess? whatevs. if you don’t like it, don’t look again. easy enough right? hehehe…
10/5/10 kill was left on couch. approximate time of death: 9pm. victim may have been loose in the house for an unknown time prior to meeting its doom. we're lucky. no blood. feels like mouse dexter.
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10/14/10
magnet. that little fucker killed again.
but not only that — i swear i’m living a feline Dexter episodic here right in my house — he’s extremely talented. and completely relentless.
at around noon today, i was getting ready to leave, when i hear the familiar sounds of a cat and mouse struggle. tiny squeaks amongst the thuds of magnet’s athletic cat-body thumping into things. and not just any things, but inside-my-closet things. FUCK.
wearing skinny jeans and high heeled boots i tore everything out of my closet. i nearly had the little guy once but those suckers are fast and squirmy. being the muggiest day this year, i was dripping sweat by the time i was forced to abandon mission and leave. and so i go, knowing very well that i could come home to a dead mouse carcass left in one of magnet’s two usual spots. the bathroom rug, or the couch.
lo and behold, when i return, in a NEW spot, there is — not a mouse — but a FUCKING SQUIRREL in my house. DEAD.
and cute. so sadly cute.
now, i’ve had to deal with mice, rats, lizards, grasshoppers, even a baby motherfucking bunny. but man…a squirrel is heavy people.
squirrel is heavy.
10/14/10 kill was left under living room side table. was expecting the mouse that magnet set loose this morning. came home. not a mouse. rigor mortis had already set in. you should have seen the other side of its face.
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11/1/10
Last night was Halloween. apparently my cat, Magnet, decided to celebrate with some blood and gore himself. actually, there was little blood. vampire kitteh?
11/1/10 magnet brought me a Halloween treat last night that he really tore into. minimal blood, which means kill was mutilated outside before brought in. how very considerate.
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11/25/10
thanksgiving. i guess magnet wanted to show his appreciation as well. as with all the other tails he’s delivered, my feelings about it are significantly more ambivalent, as i will assume the victim is alive and well, and this survival mechanism that remains behind is evidence of it’s worth. bravo! excellent display of intelligence! good magnet! good lizard!
11/25/10 happy thanksgiving meow. time discovered - 10:15pm. location - bathroom rug. it is unclear if the victim is or was ever in the house. hmm. i'm more freaked that you're seeing my bathroom rug up close. keepin' it real folks...
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11/29/10
wow. magnet didn’t waste much time did he? another kill within a few days. and it’s winter. well…LA winter. FUCK. and well folks, this one ain’t pretty. ain’t pretty one bit. it stopped my heart for a second i think. what would you say is worse? finding a dead, yet complete squirrel — devastatingly and disturbingly cute. or, a few fragments of a mouse — devastating and just disturbing? ugh. well, at least i get to share it with you fuckers. and sorry this is all one long page. DIY comes with it’s limitations lol. suggestions or advice (or hotties with excellent wordpress skillz) always welcome.
11/29/10 man, i leave you kids alone for 2 seconds! victim found at 10:30pm. fresh kill. and i guess magnet was hungry. look how content the fucker is. alls i gotta say is...what the fuck is that THING?????
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1/5/11
oh. my. god. ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod. this one was beyond, folks. what can i even say? nothing. there is nothing i can say about this one. magnet is a little wonder. so innocent in his intentions, and yet so brutal. who knew my cat was an artiste?
1/5/11 kill discovered on the living room rug upon my waking. no words. no words.
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1/27/11
i don’t know how he will possibly trump the previous entry in creativity, but at least Magnet is showing his love of variety with this one. the Aves variety to be exact. victim found under my desk at approximately 2pm. i was doing laundry today, so this must have happened fast because there is no way i was ever gone for more than a few minutes at a time.
stealth.
the weather has been delectable and i fear this is just the beginning of the big spring/summer wave you lucky folks were not yet privy to last year. oh cycle of life…
1/27/11 bird explosion. my least favorite. bad magnet, bad! oh, how can i stay mad, you talented beast. wish i coulda watched you snatch the guy mid-air.
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1/31/11
victim discovered in the morning approximately 10:30am. this was an overnight kill for sure. i suspect magnet has developed a taste for brains…
1/31/11 two words: zombie. kitteh.
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2/26/11
it was approximately 9:30am this morning as i shuffled into the living room, bleary eyed from slumber. like in a cheap horror film time slowed when i noticed — a mangled little body. another step and i see the head. another and i see…what the fuck is that? well, let’s just say it was a magnificent display, Magnet. i always hoped to have a gifted child.
2/26/11 thank you magnet, for so delicately laying out the organs that reek. next time just stick to the brains, k?
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3/7/11
when i returned home from work late last night the little killer was still out and i suspected he was looking for his next victim. he heard me come home however, and arrived minutes later sans dead animal. obviously, his thirst for brains was too strong and i awoke at approximately 11am to find this. rigor mortis had not fully set in yet. always a delight.
3/7/11 hey magnet, you missed a piece of brain. i did not raise you to be a wasteful child.
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This should be an art exhibit. Your cat is definitely Dexter reincarnated
Constantly floored by the consistent artistry of Magnet but you also beautifully capture the moment Patty. I feel my mortality.
What I think is so interesting is that you have the same rug. You should get a new rug.
The cat is awesome.
I got here through Ingrid’s FB and this had me in hysterical laughter, because I’m a sick bastard. Hope you’re well!
You must keep the rug for consistency.
G.
I agree with Brain, I mean, Brian: This exhibit belongs in a Museum. The Museum of UnGodly Cat Carrion. I love your objective eye for Magnet’s mayhem. …The way he leaves the little wide-eyed mouse heads on yr carpet is charming. ..Is that gray thing a lung? I don’t blame Magnet for not eating it. Who eats lungs when there’re brains to be gobbled? Are you SURE Magnet’s not a zombie? My kitty has left lizard tails too, btw, and lengthily interrogated cute micies in the kitchen. She also cornered a teen possum in the dining room. I trapped it in a big tupperware bowl….. I do feel bad for the birds. My neighbor’s cat has wiped out the local mockingbirds. I miss their wacky medleys.
i believe somebody might live you … but the question how do you repay the love mags is giving you ?
Wow you got a real hunter there. I had a Siamese cat(Noah) that caught a mouse at night than hopped unto to bed right on to my stomach and dropped the mouse in the bed beside me. I had no idea but woke up cussing Noah and as I setup I put my had right down on the mouse. It was dark I freaked out and through the mouse against the far wall. When i got up I found the mouse stunned and put him in a jar and let him go out side. Noah caught another but put that one in his food dish but cried and made me follow him to his dish where he proudly showed it off…it was dead this time.
A friend at yoga showed me your youtube vid… It’s great to laugh at ourselves.
Which led me to elevate.us, which led me to your page..and this is what I clicked on if all things! I must say…this is the most entertainment I have had in a hot minute. Thank you.