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Fits and Starts

So, yesterday was kind of a rough day in the life of Patty. I mean…not reeeeaaaallly. I have a roof over my head. I have food to eat. I have the clothes on my back (and the stupid amount of clothes in my closet). But as much as I was trying to see all the positives about my “A” agency dropping me, I couldn’t help but get bummed. Fuck, I got BUMMED.

By the way, did I tell you I’m taking a break from the booze and ganja as a new years resolution? Uh…ok, I know I didn’t, it’s my own damn blog. So yeah…I am not shy to say I’m a social drinker and a smoker of green. But it was getting excessive because of my very “relaxed” lifestyle. I mean, I bartend two nights a week, but the rest of my week is open. The great thing is, I pretty much NEVER miss an audition. The bad thing is, I have too much free time sometimes. I have too much free time a LOT of the time. So, my occasional puff puff turned into a much more regular habit. Not only that, but it’s all around me.  heh, this is LA, folks. So anyway, I decided that I was going to stop for two whole months. I know what you’re thinking. Two months? That’s it? Hunnies, two months solid of not smoking is pretty damn good in my book. And plus, the point is to change the habit. After the two months is over, it will feel normal to be not smoking. While I was at it, I decided to just not drink too. And actually, it is WAY harder not to drink. Dinner parties with wine and meeting up with people over a drink are choice socialization options in this town. But it feels really good to be clean and I might just stay sober for longer.

ANYWAY, the reason I even went into that is because yesterday after I pounded out my submissions to those agencies (I sent them my photos, resume, and a brief intro message), the sun went down, and it really sank in that I lost my theatrical rep at one of the best agencies in town. FUCK. I was sitting at my desk, starting to feel tired, and MAN, all I wanted to do was smoke a fatty. But I didn’t. It’s just funny…i wanted to escape and not feel shitty. But it would have actually just made me feel shittier in the long run.

Of COURSE I have to end this entry with some decent news. One of the agencies that I wrote, AKA , called me to set up a meeting for next week. They commercially represent Daniel Dae Kim, and Lauren Holly for voice over, plus some young folks that are entering the scene through teeny bopper gigs like Twilight (Rachelle Lefevre) and 90210 (Adam Gregory) commercially as well. I still need to gauge how they are theatrically, but i’m thinking maybe i’ll start looking at my options commercially as well. Who knows! Change is great!!!

Now that I have the meeting, I’m excited again. I’m hoping to get more meetings with other agencies as well. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

Peaks and Valleys

So, i hit a major speed bump in my career today. My agent Melissa calls me from her cell and says she has bad news. Uh oh…i knew what was coming. Innovative cut the breakout division. Completely axed it. They made major cuts in their client roster, and unfortunately I have the misfortune of getting cut. The only clients they kept from that division were those who were currently on a show or film, or recently booked a substantial gig. For example, one of Melissa’s clients is AnnaLynne McCord from the new 90210. My recent co-star on Brothers & Sisters didn’t quite cut it. I am, however, still with Innovative commercially.

I immediately emailed a manager that I met a few months ago. Her name is Stephanie Nese. She represents Melonie Diaz, Rick Gonzalez, and some other young development clients. We had a great meeting and she told me she was interested in me, but that she couldn’t take on a new development client right now, with the pending strike, etc. It wouldn’t have served me or her other clients for her to take someone new on, with fewer jobs than usual out there for all of us. However, she said that I should keep in touch with her, and that I should call her or email her if I ever had questions.

SO, I emailed her today and told her what happened. I asked her if she had any agents that she recommended I contact. Almost immediately she emailed me back and listed a few companies. KSA, Gage Group, Corsa Agency, and Glick Agency. She told me to let them know she referred me to them, and that she was interested, but couldn’t take me on right now. How seriously cool of her. Her company, Framework Entertainment, represents some huge names like John C. Reilly, and Lucy Liu, so it should help me get meetings with these agencies.

On a positive note, i got a callback today for the other audition I had last week–this one is for Audi. I feel really great about it, but the problem is that it shoots on the dates I’m supposed to go to Taiwan to see my Grandmother. I’ll have a tough decision to make if I book the job, but also, it’s a terrible time to lose representation because pilot season is about to start. So I am feeling very anxious about leaving town in this position where I need to really HUSTLE and get new rep.

s t r e s s f u l .

I’m looking at this positively though. In all honesty, I’ve felt disconnected from my representation. I never felt like they knew what I was all about and what I had to offer. And even though I wanted more, it was so comfy and safe in a great name like Innovative. So I think this is for the best in the long run. Melissa in part took me on as a favor to her good friend. I want an agent to take me on because he or she really believes in me and GETS me. Wish me luck finding the one!

Maybe I Jinxed Myself

Gah, I got released from the Verizon spot damnit!! haha! But you see, people, this is what actors go through. You almost get the job, you don’t the job. Sometimes you get the job, but the spot doesn’t ever make it on the air. And then sometimes you REALLY get the job, and the spot airs a ton and you make lots of $$$$$.

THANKFULLY, my Pizza Hut spot is AIRING! Fuck yeah! This means residual earnings for yours truly. Excellent. If you watch sports much, I think it will mostly be airing during the games. So, you win some, you lose some. Onto the the next!!

TONIGHT: Workshop with a casting director named Kari Kurto who used to work on the shows Weeds and My Name is Earl. She was an associate on those shows, but left to start her own office, which tells me this is a great time to meet her. Should be fun!

On Avail

This year feels like it will be really great for whatever reason. Perhaps it is stemming from within myself, but I know it will be a very prosperous year. Pilot season is about to start up, barring the SAG strike, which could still very well happen even though it is a terrible time to strike. Hearing actors whine about not making enough money is met with extreme dismay with the economy the way it is, but at the same time, many of the issues on the table are legitimate and the actors who really suffer are the ones like me, who are not making millions per picture (yet).

While I am VERY excited for this year to get rolling, I am postponing my real jump back in to go back to Taiwan for Chinese New Year. My dad, who works in Shanghai, will finally get a break and my whole family will see each other in Lin Ko, a city outside of Taipei. However, this trip isn’t going to be all roses, because the real reason my brother and I are making this journey east is because my grandmother on my mom’s side is 93 and sick. So, we really want to see her one more time, since going back to Taiwan is only a once a year luxury. These photos were taken December 2007 of my grandma, my mom, me, and one of my cousin’s daughters. Four generations of women from my mom’s side.

My grandmother doesn’t speak Mandarin, and I don’t speak Taiwanese, so I’ve never been able to really have a conversation with her. It makes me feel so disconnected from my lineage and culture sometimes. I have no idea what I will feel when she passes away. I can’t even wrap my head around it right now. Sigh…

Since I’ll be leaving on Jan 21st, and not returning until the 30th, I’ll be missing a lot of auditions. So this past week, when two rolled down the pipeline, I decided it would be necessary to book at least one of them! Of course I try to book everything I go on, but it’s not always realistic or possible. BUT, I’m on avail for one of them! Verizon.

If you’re wondering what being “on avail” means, it is essentially being put on hold for a job. The production company may put a few extra people on “avail” in case someone passes on the job, perhaps for another job or due to illness, etc. Sometimes the spot just doesn’t get shot, and that might be another reason you’re released from your avail. But, what it does mean is that you made it through all the rounds and that you just about have the job. So as an actor, you have to be happy that you essentially booked it, even if you’re released for whatever reason. Just before the break, I shot Pizza Hut, but I was also on avail for a Time Warner Cable spot at the same time and got released. I think because I was their second choice for the asian girl role. Still, it means I beat out lots of people to get that avail, and my agents know that I am likely to book jobs. Many agencies keep track of how often their clients get callbacks, etc to track their likelihood of booking, so any callback or avails are all GREAT for your relationship with your agents.

I’ll let you know if I am booked for certain! Will know on Monday. Until then, have a great weekend!

Holiday Reflection

This holiday season has been a strange one for me. For one, I’m not spending it with my whole family, although I am fortunate to spend it with my big brother at the very least. My mom is in Taiwan, and my dad is working in Shanghai. This fall, my mom came to visit the states for several weeks, so she didn’t feel like going through the rigmorale of traveling stateside again, and also she stayed behind because my grandmother isn’t doing so great. My dad feels it necessary to stay in shanghai for work. the ailing economy has put the pressure on, not to mention christmas isn’t exactly huge in asia.

I should also mention that the last three holiday seasons I was in a relationship that broke up this summer. So it’s also strange not to have that anchoring the Christmas season, especially because the last two years we went to asia together over the holidays. But this is all just sentimental bullshit anyway, because i wouldn’t want it any other way right now. The relationship ended for a reason, and we’re both better people for it.

All in all, this holiday has been a period of reflection. I learned so much about myself this last year. I gained invaluable experience and confidence in myself and I feel really good about going into this next year. I have no doubts that my career is gaining momentum. I am so grateful for the work I’ve gotten in what has been an incredibly challenging year for actors. I shot two commercials, a promo for CBS, and a co-star on a successful show on ABC! Thank you thank you thank you thank you to everything and everyone who was responsible for making these things happen.

In 2009 i intend to do many workshops and get as many casting directors familiar with me and my work as possible. I am a working actress in Los Angeles. My dream is a reality, and I am so grateful for all the joy this brings into my life. I look forward to doing more, telling great stories, and meeting interesting, passionate people who are also living their dreams.

better late than never

the first thing i have to mention is how lame i feel to title a post “better late than never.” haha. but it popped in my head, and then i thought of Alvin Othto Stewart, a 73 year old man i befriended by bartending in hollywood at the hotel cafe.

alvin titled his self-made album Better Late Than Never. being 73, “late” is sort of an understatement. thing is, this man should be an inspiration to us all, being his age and still creating music, poetry, getting out and socializing with people of all ages. when the piano in the back room is unlocked, alvin will entertain people and sell his cd’s and poetry books. you all should visit his myspace page, play his music and leave comments. the sound quality on his album isn’t the best, but the music is actually pretty good! but mainly, i gotta give him so much credit–he comes in and helps me clear glasses EVERY SHIFT that i work unless he’s sick. this has been going on for over a year. what can i say, the man’s got my back. somehow he and i became linked in this universe and i will do all i can to help him share what he’s doing with the world, if for no other reason than the joy i see in him when he talks about his myspace hits and even better, his cdbaby reviews that friends leave. if you’re feeling especially warm and generous, buy his album on myspace or cdbaby.

Superfuture superfun

once upon a time i was going to visit TOKYO and a friend shows me a site called Superfuture. anyone looking to consume fashion of all kinds will essentially find locations of all peddlers of COOL mapped out on this site with descriptions and sometimes store or brand websites. pretty rad.

so, fast forward to this summer, after i had forgotten all about this site, and i was instant messaging with a friend of mine. he sends me these photos of some chick, and says, “what’s up with gladiator sandals?” well, the answer was, “they’re ugly as shit,” but man, was i intriqued! what was this??? some girl putting pictures of herself on a website to be scrutinized by a million internet lurkers??? how do i get on this train??

what my friend showed me was a thread in a part of Superfuture called Supertalk–a bunch of threads started by Superfuture readers to talk about fashion, design, shopping, but then a bunch of trash too, like who’s hot, who sucks, and look how cool i am. this particular thread my friend showed me is called WAYWT (what are you wearing today?). people post photos of their outfits and they get internet reputation from other readers. it’s like an internet popularity contest based on what you contribute to the threads. on one waywt thread people are only supposed to post photos, but since there are so many opinionated mother fuckers out there, someone started one that’s the “chat edition” so that people can talk shit and publicly criticize someone’s fit, or publicly praise them as well. OF COURSE i started posting on both threads. i mean, how could i not????? glorious fun!!

i did have to earn the respect of all the veteran sufu folks the hard way. my first fit was some hipster trashy shit that i wear when i bartend sometimes and these people tore my shit apart. i had super negativo feedback and i think some people hated me. haha. they’re very serious about this thread, ok??? but i realized that even though the thread is called “what are you wearing TODAY,” everyone really only wants to see, “what are you wearing on the days you’re wearing your best shit especially if you’re a newbie.” since the days of my first couple shitty posts, i have now garnered some respect with a string of finer outfits, and as i continue to post, my style continues to get better, though i seriously need to make more money to dress the way i REALLY want to dress. it’s actually really nice to have something that inspires me to dress better in my daily life. dressing better makes me feel good and it translates in my auditions too. shout out to all ya’ll sufu kids. i loves ya, i really do.

here is an example of a post I made, the other day on my birthday (12/10). maybe this is all just super narcissistic bullshit, but hey…i put my IMDb link on the page and it increases my rank on that shit. win win. i may put some of my fits on this blog from time to time cuz it’s fun.

Sister made it on "Brothers.."

I recently worked on the ABC show Brothers and Sisters. It was a small part, a costar, with a whole whopping TWO lines. WHEW! When I tell people I booked this gig, they’re generally really excited for me, but I have this little voice in my head that tells me it ain’t shit. Why do I do that? I mean, when it comes down to it, this is my first primetime credit (it will show on IMDb once the episode airs), and that’s GREAT. But all I want is MORE. Co star roles don’t have an arc. They really just facilitate the scene forward. For example, I play a barista in this episode of Brothers & Sisters. Sally Field comes in looking for someone and asks the barista where some dude is. I tell her where he is. Bam. Over. That’s that.

Awesome.

HOWEVER, this is not to say I am not SOOOOOOO damn grateful for this job. I really give credit to the casting associate who works with the casting directors on this show. Arlie Day with O’Neill/Bacharach. I did a workshop with her several months back and made a good impression. Since then, she’s called me in for a few webisodes, and though I didn’t book them, she gave me great feedback in the room. For this episode of B & S, they didn’t even release a breakdown for the barista role. The casting directors just called people in from their files, and thus, I received my first job on a primetime show. Pretty great.

And because this was proof that workshops work, I’m doing more now. The place I do mine at is called Actor’s Coop Group. I haven’t tried any others, but they generally get the same cd’s and associates in as other workshop places. This one is close to where I live though, and you can’t beat that in LA. The drawback is that it costs money and I’m damn broke and have the most debt I’ve probably ever had in my life. Still, I have to look at it as a business investment. The more credits like this I can get, the more auditions my agents will be able to get me into.

My goal: To book a guest star on something rad, like the new show Caprica (prequel to Battlestar Gallactica–yeaaaahhhh bitches!!!!). Ok, I don’t know if it will be rad…watching the trailer, it’s not what I was expecting at all, but we’ll see!

The Slim Reaper

I had an audition today for the show “Reaper” on the CW network. This year, I’ve had on average about one audition per month. Ideally, I should be going out once a week, but with the writer’s strike earlier this year and the impending SAG strike, most actors have been experiencing “The Great Depression” of acting work this year.

However, this drought has been a prime opportunity for me to work out some of my acting issues. These are all very much internal issues (and probably ego too), that have made my acting laughable in the first few years of my time in Los Angeles. I am not too proud to admit that i was peddling shit to the various casting directors around town my first two years of going on big, intimidating, super-legitimate auditions.

Oh man, if ONLY i could go back and do all those auditions again. I sucked. I mean REALLY REALLY SUCKED.

Part of the problem was that I thought that I could get away with never acting outside of the times I was auditioning. BAD IDEA. Not acting outside of auditioning is probably the worst thing anyone can do for their acting career. Especially once we become “grown-ups,” whatever that means, it becomes harder and harder to get out of your goddamn huge-ass head. All those thoughts you’re having–did I read that line right, or can the casting director can see my huge zit, or am i bloated from that pizza i ate stoned last night–these are all poison in the audition room.

When you’re all drugged out on insecurity, you’re gonna blow your audition unless it’s for some ridiculously insecure and neurotic character. So yeah, you can either wait for the universe to align in exactly that way and book one gig, or you can work your shit out and start booking lots of gigs.

In my acting class, my teacher would say that your problems in acting are usually your problems in life. This is soooooo true. So…now i just try to make my life better. It’s working so far, and my acting is coming back. It’s like I came out of a coma. Now if the auditions would just start pouring in…I’m more ready than I’ve ever been.

the processed actor

well golly. i’ve been in LA for over five years and it only occurred to me now that maybe i should blog about my experiences building an acting career in LA. it’s definitely not easy, at least not for 99% of all actors trying to make it out here. for some it takes years just to get represented or join the union.

so…in a huge nutshell, here’s how my journey went.

i moved to LA in the summer of 02′ with my now ex-boyfriend. we were living in good ol’ Rockville, MD (it’s as exciting as it sounds). this was one year after i graduated from University of Maryland, College Park. you might be wondering if i studied theater in college. the answer is a big fat NO. i did NOT have the slightest interest in studying theater in college. i did theater in high school and that was all fun and games, but i knew that my interest was in film/television, and in my mind a theater degree was NOT going to help me. if anything, it would be a useless degree to me in case i discovered this crapshoot business was too much and i gave up. i knew, however, that i would NEVER give up.

as much as i would have liked to just move to NYC or LA right after high school (still something i wonder about all the time), college was probably the right move. i lived my childhood somewhat incubated in a non-english speaking household. parents were conservative, first generation immigrants from Taiwan. my experiences inside and outside the home were complete dichotomies. i had to learn how to function socially and academically as a “typical american kid” without it already mapped out by the last generation. needless to say, i was not always good at it. i was very opinionated and very blunt, so i would piss people off sometimes. i was super naive, and college was the first time i didn’t have my parents constantly holding me back. if that had been NYC or LA right after high school and not college, i’d probably be a jacked up coke-head with herpes or something equally terrible and nasty. no, instead i got to experiment in a somewhat controlled environment with peers that had life goals and shit. whew for that.

SO ANYWAY, the move. driving across country is fun, but expensive. and please be careful using bungee cords or you might find yourself gushing blood out of your forehead somewhere in Arkansas. true story. not fun. bungee cords suck. scar to prove it.

arriving in LA is a surreal experience. when you first get here, everything looks the same. everywhere looks like a beach town. sort of. there’s palm trees everywhere and it’s sunny and hot and flat. there are cars everywhere. five miles feels like 25 miles. you always turn left on red. awesome. you’re in LA.

then you start apartment hunting and you’re like, “WTF??? that shithole is $2000/mo?” awesome. you’re in LA.

also, when you first arrive in LA, you think that living by the beach is the cat’s meow. oh man, did i want to live by the beach. so you get an apartment about 5 miles from the beach and whoops! you realize that even driving five miles to go to the beach is the equivalent to trucking across town in suburban Maryland. so you move closer to the beach, like 6 blocks. it smells kind of like the ocean when you’re not smelling the bums. awesome. you’re in LA. BUT WAIT!!! NO. you realize that you’re not fucking in LA!!! yeah, the beach is awesome in theory, but i spent a year and a half living on the westside and went into the city like three times. EVER! what the fuck is LA??? i had no idea! i wasn’t learning jack about what i needed to do to further my career whatsoever.

in the midst of all this discovery, my relationship also fell apart. sorry dude. i loved you, but it was just not working out. don’t worry kids, he’s ok (still lives on the westside) and we’re still friends.

SO i moved east. to Silver Lake, the land of hipsters. moving out on my own was one of the best things i ever did for my career. this period of time was when i started to self submit on Actors Access. i booked some regional commercials through this avenue, as well as a music video for a Taiwanese pop star JJ Lin. for any actor, self-submitting is one of the best things you can do before you become union or find representation. even if it’s a crappy student film, you start to understand how shots are set up, and how you look on camera. and if you’re lucky and perform well, you get footage for an actor’s reel.

over the next few years i end up moving around a few more times, first with a friend, and then eventually moved in with another boyfriend. it’s through him that i met my first and current agent, Melissa Hirschenson at Innovative Artists. Melissa used to be his commercial agent years ago, but left LA for a few years to work as a casting director. when she moved back to LA in 05′, the agency where she used to work did not have a position for her in the commercial department, but instead gave her a spot in a new department called the Crossover Division, which has now merged with their Youth Division.

i was extremely lucky to meet Melissa at this time because she was just building her list of clients. since she didn’t have any girls of the asian persuasion, she called me in. right at this time, i had received an offer for commercial representation at a boutique agency called Howard Talent West, which i brought up to Melissa and she had me meet the commercial department at Innovative. they started to submit me and i quickly started getting callbacks. several months later, the company legitimately signed me on as a client.

i cannot stress how very fortunate i am to have met Melissa at that time. i don’t think i’d be with such a good agency now had i not met her. since then i’ve worked on several commercials, independent film, and gone on many interesting (and educational) auditions. since this first blog is already so long, i’ll stop here and go into more detail about some of those projects and current events in separate blogs.

if you made it this far, thanks for reading! i hope i can help some of you who have the same goals!!

p