i’m sorry, but i’m not exactly modest. except around you.
in the last few months i’ve become facebook “friends” with lots of family members. as much as i tell myself not to censor anything i do, it’s hard not to when your aunts and uncles and baby cousins are all privy to seeing it. not to mention my own mom and dad. but hey, i’m a grown woman (i think?), and it’s my prerogative, yes? still…i’ve disconnected my twitter and facebook so that the twitter folks get the first hit, and then i get selective on who gets to see it on facebook. sure, i’m disclosing this information here, but whatever. if people are coming to this blog without getting a nudge from me, then it’s they’re own damn fault if they see my ass.
This is my current performance reel. Total frankenstein action on a bunch of things to show some range. If you are an agent or manager viewing this, the music portion of the video was a pet project I produced and sang. I wish i had footage to show from a Sci Fi Channel film i shot in December, but it ain’t ready yet! until then, enjoy this sucker.
once upon a time (or few), i visited Tokyo, Japan. two of those times i had the pleasure of staying at the famed Park Hyatt. fantastic.
everything about the park hyatt seemed perfect. the rooms were understated but luxurious and attractive. from the moment you step in you feel like royalty. when you dial the front desk they answer, “hello miss yu.” i felt special staying there. it was an ideal vacation in a world far away from this place. even the skin and hair products they offered in the rooms were awesome. so of course, i tucked a few away to bring back home. to use and pretend like i’m somewhere else. pretend i’m far away again in a foreign land and that i could just step outside and quickly lose myself in the most wonderful way.
the last time i was there was over two years ago. two days ago, i brought the shampoo and conditioner to the the ymca. to my chagrin, the conditioner had turned. i mean…how could i have been surprised??? two years later i use those tiny little cute bottles and expect them to miraculously stay fresh for me? how could i be so foolish? why didn’t i just use them sooner? they smelled so good, i loved them so much, and so i waited and waited and waited in an attempt to savor the moment.
it was surely a lesson to be learned. i’ve always had the tendency to save things. ever since i was young. i mean, i wasn’t some super privileged kid. we didn’t own expensive things. i wore generic keds and converse wannabes. we wore taiwanese night market hand-me-downs my mother collected from older cousins when we went to visit. so when i would get something nice in my hands, i couldn’t bear to use it.
i remember during my elementary school years, having this amazing set of crayola crayons with its own plastic carrying case, displaying a spectrum of waxy goodness in all it’s glory. i remember carrying that thing around the house. arranging, and rearranging. making sure i most accurately aligned them to honor Roy G Biv. i used them so sparingly — god forbid i had to sharpen one and fuck up the original shape. and why? so that i could be a kid who loved to color, but restrained myself so that i could tote this plastic case of crayolas around forever??? that is the saddest thing ever.
in recent years i’ve begun to simplify my life. throw things away, or even better, donate them when i don’t use it. hell, i’m bringing those little shampoo bottles i’ve collected from fancy hotels and using them at the gym. ALL of them. i didn’t listen to all those chinese fables teaching me philosophies of waste not want not and living in the moment, just to become an amateur hoarder. seriously.
let go. live. stop holding on to meaningless objects. these aren’t the most important things in life. i know this. i’m living this. i have so much that doesn’t come in a tiny little bottle. i’m filled with so much love every day for the people and experiences around me. you can’t bottle that shit and you sure as hell can’t save it for later. every single moment is a new reality to be relished.
enjoy things now, people.
enjoy the hell out of it. slurp it up. use stuff that is meant to used.
live.
parku hyatto
Posted 1 month, 1 week ago at 4:30 pm. Add a comment
but something in me sure was, and i’m enjoying every moment of it. in fact, i bought rain boots yesterday because there were four more days of rain forecasted. and then i probably won’t wear them again all year, but who friggin cares!
anyhow, that isn’t what i really wanted to talk about here today. what do i want to talk about, you might ask?
relationships.
no. not those kind of relationships. i’m talking professional ones.
see, i was driving in the rain today after dropping off a submission to an agency that i am very interested in, and while blissing out to the millions of rain splatters being wiped over and over from the windshield, i started to draw comparisons between professional relationships between an agent and actor, to a more personal, intimate relationship.
what i concluded to myself was that previously, in my own experience, i was not in the right relationship. and what i’ve learned about being in a wrong relationship — professional or personal — is that i end up losing myself. slowly. pieces of me. little by little. when i’m in the wrong relationship, i start to forget how to just be me. and i start thinking i have to be what other people expect me to be. not so much in a conscious way, but subconsciously over time.
it was horrible for me creatively. i was so blocked. i became so unsure about what i was doing and THAT is actor suicide.
let me be clear that i didn’t think these relationships were BAD relationships. they just weren’t right. for me. the last year was such a blessing for me. being freed from my old rep was the most inspiring thing they’ve ever done for me. it allowed myself to come back. to be me again. it gave me the motivation to make my silly, fun video, and even start this website. and the crazy thing is, this return-to-my-true-self seems to just beget more and more work. people started coming to me with work this past year and i didn’t even have an agent. i’m not sure when the last time was that i was so happy and productive.
to be fair to the people before, i wasn’t so happy or enlighted when i met them, so they didn’t get to see the real me then either. so it’s nobody’s fault that it didn’t work out. we all just needed to find ourselves, yes?
i guess THAT is a sign that i’m ready for a new relationship. professional, that is. and i’m very excited to find the right people who will fit. just. right.
so…wish me luck, ya’ll!
and enjoy this cuddle weather.
my #1 cuddle buddy watching sag screeners with me
Posted 1 month, 2 weeks ago at 3:26 pm. Add a comment
i’ve been feeling incredibly inspired the last few weeks, and particularly after the new year. see, i went to vegas to ring in 2010. now, normally i’m sort of disgusted by vegas. but something happened this trip. i saw life in a whole new way. let me explain…
we had been treated to a nye party at the playboy club in palms casino. admission, drinks, our room, everything was taken care of. fantastic.
but no more than 30 minutes after we got to the party, my friend anahi and i couldn’t take the energy of the place. to describe in one word: DARK. maybe because it was the playboy club, but it was like this regurgitation of what sexy should be, but in reality the place lacked any sensuality whatsoever. instead it just felt icky. there were shifty eyes all around us, trying to see who to look at, to see who was looking at them.
so three of us decided to journey back and found ourselves pouring out into the main casino. maybe it was the sound of all the machines, or the cocktail waitresses bustling around with drinks. maybe it was seeing people from all ends of the country — the world. or maybe it was mind altering substances, i dunno, but i suddenly saw everything as an exchange. i saw the exchange of energy between everything and everyone right before my eyes. transfers between people and people, people and machine, us and the earth. the food, the money, the hope, even the despair. batteries, bodies, spirits that continuously need charging.
it was all so amazing. so beautiful.
you might just think i’m out of my mind, and maybe i am a little, but it was incredibly inspiring. it’s making me see things in a fresh new light. and now i just want to keep creating and working with other people. exhange thoughts. ideas. vision. share. share. share.
i took a lot of photos because of this urge to share, and here are a few of my favorites. hope you enjoy them.
2010 is going to be amazing. keep exchanging, folks…
after returning from my little work odyssey the holiday season just sort of swarmed over the land and then i was just too distracted to update. how terribly neglectful of me. i’m an awful awful person. looking back at that last post before i left, i was so abrupt. so insensitive. please forgive me. it’s a terrible excuse, but i found out at 2pm that i would be leaving the next morning for over 10 days and i had SOOOO much crap to do. certainly a good lesson to be more on top of my shit in case i book more of these cool out of town/country gigs, huh. wha??? ahhgh!
so let’s get to the good stuff, yes?
ARGENTINA. wtf. they eat a LOT of meat. drink a LOT of wine. smoke a LOT of cigarettes. kiss-greet gloriously. OH. and drink yerba mate all up in the joint all damn day.
needless to say, the trip was da sh*t.
maybe i was getting a particularly fine sampling of the creative contingency in buenos aires, but i loved how effortlessly hip everyone was on set. they rocked the most efficient chill-the-fuck-out work mode i’ve ever seen. all around there was an abundance of great personal style and also LAUGHTER. people were working, but they were having lots of fun. it was rad.
we had two sets of talent the whole shoot. one for the latin american market, and one for the asian market. it was a trip because there would be two girls in the same outfit, one latin and one asian. so without further ado, i invite you to click the meat for photos i put up in a facebook album because, well…i’m feeling too lazy to upload them into the blog. but also, i took a lot of video of this trip that i plan on editing into a vlaggg. wohoo. so deal.
I also had the pleasure of traveling to Lafayette, Louisiana to work on a film called Fight or Flight. probably the coolest part of this job was watching the FX makeup artist transform me into a gory “zombie.” so rad!! She was so good…and made it appear effortless, although all in all it would take an hour and a half to get it on, and then an hour to take it all off. crazy. after the second full day of sitting in this wet, sticky, mess, i was impatient and pulled one of the prosthetic pieces off my neck without the proper removal solution. the next day i woke up with a nasty mark on my neck…basically a disgusting, weird shaped hickey from the silicone pulling off my skin. gross. it’s still not completely gone yet. doh.
aside from all that, i had such a pleasure working with everyone on this show. everyone worked sooo hard and under tremendous pressure at times, but everyone still managed to have a good time. they also helped give me a nice birthday away from home and almost made it feeel like i was celebrating with old friends. it was incredibly sweet and left a really nice memory for me to keep always.
anyhow, before this blog becomes endless, some photos of the makeup. CAUTION: it’s pretty bloody!
oh and prosthetic open wounds look uncannily like vaginas before they’re painted and bloodied up. enjoy.
it’s been way too long since i’ve updated. but as a distraction…
i have a few more photos from my shoot this past summer with lee clower i have yet to post. some of them more risque actually. part of me is afraid to post them up because… well… i know my mom looks at this thing hahaha. at some point i’ll just have to say f*ck it, yes? sorry mom.
i hope you all had a fantastic holiday. the new year approaches and i feel it’s a good one coming…
all my love and gratitude for an amazing 2009 xoxo
updates soon…
Posted 2 months, 1 week ago at 1:22 am. Add a comment
ok, this is a quick one cuz i just ain’t got time.
first off, i just booked two gigs back to back that were confirmed today. so now, suddenly tomorrow morning i’m flying off to Buenos Aires, Argentina (woohoo) to shoot a commercial for Surf that will air in Vietnam, Indonesia, Thailand, and Phillipines. SWEET.
immediately following that, i fly to LaFayette, Louisiana to shoot a role on a feature film (woohoo 2)
so, since i probably won’t be able to update while i’m gone, i’ll catch you up after, k? k. muah.
Posted 3 months, 1 week ago at 9:45 pm. Add a comment
photo by leigha hodnet
