life is so amazing and beautiful….
yes, yes…i realize it’s been a while.
what’s changed, really?
as usual, transformation is the name of the game peeps. not surprising to me anymore, as this IS the time. it’s now or never!!
are you noticing it as well? noticing yourself and the people around you making changes, or if not consciously making them, situations “occur” to cause a shift? if you presence yourself and pay attention to the world around you, patterns and synchronicities emerge. everywhere. major shifts in our lives and major shifts on the planet, in our bodies, in our hearts, all mirroring each other so synchronistically. it’s so fucking beautiful and amazing i can hardly stand it! i am really just using an old paradigm figure of speech, because not only can i stand it, i am just reveling in it. soaking it up, yum yum fucking YUM.
let me ask you: how good can YOU stand it?
obviously, if you saw my last post, you heard me go on about exploring raw cuisine, and the many positive effects it has had on my health and spirit. and i realize rather than label myself a raw foodist, i’ve evolved into an intuitive eater, where i generally prefer food with a high content of nutrition, and that subsists of fresh, organically grown food, the less treated the better, and ultimately balance is the key.
when i began this exploration, my intention was to cleanse my body of all the toxins we take in on a regular basis eating processed and conventionally grown foods. i am so so so so grateful for this book i found called Secrets of An Alkaline Body, written by Annie Jubb. she opened a restaurant called Lifefood Organic near my place in hollywood, and discovering it, her, and the book… well, it saved my life. i am completely serious when i say this.
whatever was brewing beneath the surface that i couldn’t see but could intuitively feel, that probably wouldn’t have caused any “serious” issues for many years still, was causing a lot of fear deep in my mind. the deep fear came from not knowing. and not knowing creates lack of ease (hello? dis-ease!). this fear over not knowing kept me re-living my old patterns, which would have surely lead to disease. that is, until i gave myself the gift of bringing the parts of me sinking into the dark back into light. literally. for me, this was through food. i brought in more light — light created by the synthesis of the sun and the earth and our plants — back into my physical body.
this is fucking LIFE FORCE.
by seeking knowledge, i discovered knowing. by exercising integrity and intentionally changing my old patterns, i created ease. which came from harnessing the light. and the light is… well… ready? God. Source. Creator. Is. Be. Am. Us. You. Me. Whateveryouwannacallexistence.
and it blew my heart open. ok ok, so you’ve heard this already yes?
so why is this coming up again?
it has to do with a few sexy pictures that i’ve been hesitant to share.
this is certainly, by far, my most spiritual segue into sexy photos [to date].
but you see, this hesitancy to share is teaching me SOOOOO much about the whole process i’m going through discovering my true self. the photos are of course, from my annual summer shoot with my brother from another galaxy, lee clower. my connection with lee and the images we co-create is a channel for me to share an aspect of myself that i had kept in a pattern of hiding. it is an aspect innate within me — in fact, a gift — innate in all of us.
the pure energy of creation. this energy is so beautiful, so amazing, so deep, so fucking fire engine yes solar flare yes more aliens yes bursting universal loving yes ecstasy yes YES YES YES!
and yet… we are told our whole lives no no no…
that energy is shameful. you shouldn’t share that. you’ll be judged. you’ll be exploited. you’ll be stripped of your dignity. and to add another layer to the mix, we are also taught that our bodies should be “perfect.” perfect? what’s perfect??? and as defined by who???
when i was still “toxic” i bought into a lot of the shame and guilt. i required spiritual assistance (aka my friend big Green) to bring me to a place even close to self-acceptance. and since we’ve already established that i pretty much tell you everything (i mean, sheesh, if you just read from the beginning, this blog is basically a map of patty yu’s journey to self discovery), i totally used that “assistance” for this shoot, taken only halfway into my “spiritual transformation.” i say halfway because i was consciously doing a lot of looking inward to “exorcise the demons” and making fantastic progress! but i was still recreating many of the same patterns.
and so, when i look at these photos, i am reminded of where i was then. i see in my eyes the pain of not knowing. and i see a body that i recognize as beautiful and sexy, but i know that it was mistreated, not fed for 2 days prior, because i felt out of control due to lack of any real knowledge about how to nourish it. i recognize the confused me in those photos and i remember her. and my hesitation to share is me pausing to feel through those memories.
the echos of fear. echos of shame. echos of guilt.
but i know something changed. for good. and therefore i release all my judgment and i honor her. for making that shift. to get her to me.
because now i live in bliss every day. now i see myself in the light.
and i appreciate, and cherish, and nourish, and love my self, like we all deserve to be loved. nourished. cherished. appreciated.
and for whatever reason i am compelled to just share all of this process. to perhaps illuminate the complexity of self-consciousness, and how that can manifest within the human mind. i share this information to assist in your transformation, should you seek it.
because i appreciate, and cherish, and nourish, and love YOU, like YOU deserve to be loved. nourished. cherished. appreciated.
i ruv yous.
now that was a lot of foreplay…
are you as curious as i am how the next shoot will go?
love you lee. i am so grateful to co-create with you.
Posted 2 years, 8 months ago at 2:20 am. 2 comments
the time finally came for me to vlog out. what kind of person does these things? these little vlog things?
i mean, rather than start another written post saying long it’s been since i’ve blogged blah blah blah blah blah, i decided to just talk it out. OH BOY did i talk it out. BEWARE. 10 minutes of yours truly and that’s after editing it down.
and well, not to reveal anything in there, but you’ve probably already read about some of the shifts i’ve been going through and all i wanna say to preface my video (if it resonates with you) is that every person will find a way that works for him or her, but the key to all things in life is intention, and i only encourage each and every single one of you on your path to full health and happiness. i’ve picked up a LOT of tools in the last year that i will continue to share.
my growth involved many transitions and phases, but the one specific thing i cannot stress enough to every single person who reads this is to go ORGANIC and only support sustainable, HUMANE farming practices. do it for your body, for your children, for your future, for OUR future.
also, if there was one thing i did not mention in my video that i would say now is:
this will have more relevance in the near future, but leaving it at that for now.
i freaking love yous.
Posted 2 years, 9 months ago at 11:42 pm. 2 comments
Last week President Obama and Secretary Vilsack approved Monsanto’s GMO alfalfa despite overwhelming public protest. This move fundamentally undermines the organic industry, especially organic meat and dairy. In approving GMO alfalfa the Obama administration has caved to Monsanto and made it harder for family farmers to make a living and for consumers wanting to eat safe, healthy foods.
This decision is a devastating blow to our democracy and the basic rights of farmers to choose how they want to grow food on their land and protect the rights of consumers who are increasingly buying organic and sustainably grown food for its positive health and environmental impacts. Please join me in telling President Obama that you’re deeply disappointed in his decision and want a ban on GMO alfalfa.
My letter to the president:
Dear President Obama,
It was during your race for the presidency that i felt renewed hope in the future of our country. For the first time since seeing the world through the eyes of a naive little girl, I felt a renewed hope that we would together create a country that stands united for the betterment of mankind. I saw a glimmer of the future and I knew that you would be elected, and that you would be a beacon of light, who would inspire masses and bring forth great substantial change. I remember reassuring those who were still wrought with the old paradigm of fear that you would go on to lead us. I had unwavering faith.
When you came into office, I saw you and Michelle Obama as true examples of a new standard that all human beings should be held up to. Michelle’s leadership on the health front showed me it was possible that our leaders could truly care about the highest good of our citizens, rather than the pockets of the richest of rich.
When I learned about the Monsanto GMO alfalfa, the fear almost returned. I say almost because the fight isn’t over. But although I have no fear, much of that hope you once inspired was replaced with deep disappointment. Two years ago I would have NEVER imagined that your administration could possibly approve such a move. Perhaps that little girl in me, the idealistic dreamer, was unrealistic in believing that a historic president like you would be impervious to bending to the will of such powerhouses of control. I am saddened, and that little girl in me weeps for this fragment of broken dreams.
However, I want you to know that I believe the people will rise to the occasion. I believe that the people will vote with their dollars. I believe that we are the change we seek. Truly. Deeply. And while this plea to reverse your decision may fall on deaf ears, I am inspired and invigorated by the voice of the people who are standing up fearlessly for what is RIGHT. For what is in the best interest of the collective. And although this decision is a tremendous disappointment, it gives fuel to the movement and awakening of my fellow human beings. We refuse to be in chains and I promise that I will do everything in my power to help mankind, step by step, little by little, to free ourselves from the grasp of powers we did NOT choose in this lifetime. I do this for my parents. I do this for my future children. I do this for my neighbors. I do this for my country. I do this for my world. I do this for my planet. I do this for me. And I do this for you.
Thank you for what change you have brought into place so far. I encourage you to live fearlessly, President Obama. There is only now, and our purpose here is to live in truth.
Live truth. Live free. Live love.
Posted 2 years, 10 months ago at 1:12 pm. Add a comment
lots of stuff in this first month of 2011…where do i begin? i suppose first of all, you should know i discovered that all this time since high school i’ve been typing incorrectly and losing the hearts of typographers everywhere by putting not one, but TWO spaces after each period of a sentence. not my fault! thanks, north carolina typing class teacher. needless to say, i will NOT be going back through my whole blog to correct this travesty.
next on the list: the episode of BONES that i appeared in aired last week. wohoo! t’was a non-speaking co-star, but i mentioned previously about having to reshoot the “love” scene because it was too sexy. apparently, sex — according to FOX network — does not involve any movement whatsoever. the first time we shot it i was specifically requested to rock wit u, but then the second time i was explicitly told, “less gyrating.”
MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, FOX.
anyhow, here’s a screen-capture — click it to watch the full episode on imdb:
this episode is written by an asian american writer and contains some content that miiight be construed as stereotyping…i dunno you tell me haha (i will play dumb for now). i found it humorous (don’t like to take everything too seriously ya know?), but perhaps it’s a way to start a dialogue. thoughts? i would love to know what ya’ll think after you watch it…
AND THEN the last order of business is…wait for it…
my friends Courtney and Jose created a web series of that very title, and it stars Jose, as himself, as The Drunken Chef. they asked me to guest star in this episode and we had a grand time shooting it. i was already well off the sauce when we shot this, although the crew (and drunken chef himself) enjoyed some beers. i think it was equally fun just pretending.
Posted 2 years, 10 months ago at 12:01 am. 1 comment
Bruce Lipton is my hero. Set yourself free…
Posted 2 years, 11 months ago at 4:13 pm. Add a comment
i used to make a lot of excuses. i admit it. there were lots. i didn’t realize how much at the time. i had excuses for when i would start eating right, start exercising, to take classes, to be creative, to drink water, to build my career, to examine my relationships, to heal relationships, to connect with my family, to go out with friends, to meet new people. christ, you name it, i’ve made an excuse to NOT do it at least one point in my life.
this doesn’t mean i NEVER did what i knew i had to do. i did. it just certainly took a while* even though i always knew in my heart who i could be.
i used to repeat my “story” as an excuse.
“Once upon a time… blah blah blah… and that’s how i got all fucked up in life, so that’s why i can’t be what you want me to be.”
ooh… that’s interesting. “what you want me to be… “ that just sort of slipped out, but it’s profound. why do we go through life thinking we need to be what others want us to be? Continue Reading…
Posted 2 years, 11 months ago at 2:40 pm. 1 comment
have you ever woken up one day and realized you are a completely different person?
this is happening to me. over and over and over again.
it used to take so much time for me to change, and as i mentioned before, i seem to be changing faster and faster… at the speed of light.
even just a year ago i was still living in toxicity. so much better than before, but still attached to a way of life that did not serve me one freaking bit. alcohol? binge eating? exploiting myself?
however, through all the pain that i was not allowing myself to feel (with plenty of heavy medication of the herbal variety), my true self persevered.
i knew… Continue Reading…
Posted 2 years, 11 months ago at 7:19 pm. 4 comments
i think about writing in my blog every single day. and yet i don’t. obvsly.
please forgive me.
it’s not that i don’t have things to share. i do. tons in fact. for example, it was my birthday on the 10th of december. AND, i recently shot an episode of the show BONES in November, which suddenly had to be reshot on said birthday. might sound like a bummer but it turned out to be exactly the steamy birthday gift from the universe i asked for. wrapped in one easy package! but what do you mean patty yu?
well kids, number one, patty yu asked for work. check. number two patty yu asked for some lovin on her birthday. CHECK.
WHA??? yes. that is correct. see, it was an unseasonably warm week before my bday. i was shooting the shit with the universe, you know, cracking jokes, making grand exclamations of gratitude, and just having a nice day together, when i teased that it’s my birthday in a few days and you know i want to ri-i-i-i-ide out. i say teased, because the reality of this happening in patty yu’s life as we currently know it is slim to none (that’s if i want to keep my self respect, know what i’m sayin ladees?). so i just kind of laughed it off and thought nothing of it. taylor was there, she’ll tell you.
Out of nowhere, the 2nd AD on Bones calls and says we might have to reshoot on my bday. holy crap. my very first love scene on network TV (did i mention that?) and it had to be re-shot. oy. a few thoughts went through my mind. did i not give them what they wanted? everyone seemed so pleased and satisfied that first day. what possibly went wrong?
in two words: TOO. SEXY.
sorry bout that.
i only did exactly what the director asked of me. but here’s the little lesson in the business: the producers enforce the censorship handbook in situations like these, and the FOX network is… well… you fill in the blank. i have nothing bad to say about anyone. there’s something for everyone in the world. yada yada.
this is the part where i get to MY POINT: even though everything seemed to be perfect that first day of shooting and i did everything asked of me, and the world seemed to be moving forward as usual after we finished, somehow i still managed to find myself on top of an attractive young actor on my birthday.
happy fucking birthday to me.
sure, he was married IRL and it was all pretend, but he was sweet, had great energy, was uber respectful, and there was no chance to take it too far. HOW FREAKING PERFECT IS THAT???
thanks universe. i know you got my back. love ya lots.
maybe my periods of silence come in part because it’s slightly difficult to explain to ya’ll these circumstances, considering i always bring my pal U[niverse] into the convo (what is this bitch on you’re probably asking) and thus it all starts to seem a bit out there.
maybe the silence comes in part because i feel like i’m changing at light speed, especially now that i’ve been living so healthy and not making excuses anymore and being totally accountable for myself and all my decisions. living the dream, instead of living in desire.
maybe the silence comes in part because i have a LOT to share. my photoshoot with lee from this summer for example. i’ve only shared a few images. and there are more. oh BOY are there more. (i’ll be sure to explain my irrational complexes surrounding these images another time i promise.)
but when it really comes down to it… silly me…
i just feel kinda…
it makes no sense, i know, but that’s how i feel sometimes. i am only human after all.
well, now you know my weakness.
and here’s a photo.
happy birthday to YOU.
by my stargazing brother lee clower
Posted 2 years, 11 months ago at 1:43 pm. 4 comments
excessive as it’s become (as with all American EVERYTHING), it is one of my favorite times of the year.
well, for one, i can actually feel the surge of collective gratitude emanating around us.
thanksgiving is one of those holidays where, even though humans are scrambling and stressing to buy just the right things to complete just the right process to create just the right colon blockage, we are also insistently reminded to think of what we appreciate in our lives.
what we are thankful for.
wow. i mean you can feel it if you just slowed down a second.
if you close your eyes…
breathe slowly in and out of your nose…
and let time slow down…
the gratitude is practically…
THIS is the power of the collective mind. THIS is what we should be doing EVERY MUTHA FUCKIN DAY.
this is HEALING.
we are so lucky, my fellow humans. we are SO SO SO SO SO freaking lucky. and did you know? when we take these moments to be grateful for all the wonderful gifts the universe brings us, whether it’s material success or personal challenges, if we all just start to see these as gifts, and we navigate through both the successes and challenges equally with grace and gratitude, then the universe will only bestow even more gifts to us.
call it God, call it Luck, call it Manifestation, call it whatever the flying fuck you want.
but i will tell you right now, withOUT gratitude and growth, there is little room created for abundance. let’s look at relationships for example. whenever one fuck feels taken for granted by another fuck, the first fuck starts to WITHHOLD. this is not a foreign concept to most of you, as you have probably all been in one or both of those roles (god knows this bitch has), so let’s all just be honest with ourselves.
anyhow, i’m not here to make anyone rehash old heartaches or any of that bullshit, i just want to remind ya’ll that we are all powerfully creative beings who CREATE our lives — our REALITIES. and in order to really live life fully, we really must learn to hold onto this feeling of gratitude and practice it every day.
take 60 seconds and close your eyes.
feel the beautiful, positive energy that connects us all today. do you feel it? do you feel the joy that’s been putting a hop and skip in the step of strangers all around you as you prepare for this day? FEEL IT. hug it. kiss it. hell, rub up on it, hump it, whatever you feel compelled to do to it — no judgement — it probably enjoys it as much as you do. but really feel it!
now imagine yourself harnessing that love with your heart and send that healing energy to all your friends, your loved ones, your babies, your animals, your bosses, your co-workers, your community, all the people you come in contact with today…
but even more importantly, send it out to the rest of the world, to our fellow human beings, to others who have much fewer material luxuries than we do, to others who are suffering from malnutrition, from hunger, from homelessness, from disease, and despair. take this moment to realize that we have so much.
we have SO MUCH.
i am so grateful for all my fellow human beings. i am so grateful to have a healthy, active mind that can visualize and see a future where humans understand that fighting serves no purpose anymore. i am so grateful for such amazing, beautiful diversity in our world that we share. i am so grateful to have the ability and opportunities to serve others, to help others, to encourage others. i am so grateful for all the challenges that life presents, and grateful for the opportunity to meet and overcome those challenges. i am so grateful for the ability to change and grow, this ability that is innate within all of us. every single one of us. i am grateful for every single human being in this world. every person, regardless of where you are on the path to self realization, whether you are still lost in the dark, living in the light, or walking the journey in between. i am so grateful for you. i am so grateful and i have so much love for every single one of you because you are me and i am you and without each other we would not exist.
i am so grateful. so so grateful. my heart just overflows with love for all of you.
today is so beautiful because there is so much of that love energy flowing. let’s remember to live in love every day my friends. imagine if we all loved each other this much every day, what that collective flow of love would feel like next thanksgiving. how much that field of energy will have grown. if we vowed to love this much everyday, imagine how many hearts we could heal. if we vowed to love this much everyday, imagine how the world would heal.
i imagine this everyday.
everyday i imagine this.
and my heart just continues to fill with love. and i realize that love is limitless. love is infinite. love is ever present and always there for you to tap into. love is so abundant that it will always overflow. all you need to do is feel it. it’s right here for you. it’s right here.
and if you are confused and you can’t feel it, it’s ok. and just know that i love you. i love you. i love you so much. i love you so so much. and i know that whatever challenge you face is one you have the ability to overcome. and i believe in you. i really do. there is so much love in my heart and it’s here for you.
so if anything, feel my heart. because i love you. unconditionally.
i love you so much.
i love you so much.
so so so much, my beautifuls.
i love you so much.