lots of stuff in this first month of 2011…where do i begin? i suppose first of all, you should know i discovered that all this time since high school i’ve been typing incorrectly and losing the hearts of typographers everywhere by putting not one, but TWO spaces after each period of a sentence. not my fault! thanks, north carolina typing class teacher. needless to say, i will NOT be going back through my whole blog to correct this travesty.
DEAL, typographers.
next on the list: the episode of BONES that i appeared in aired last week. wohoo! t’was a non-speaking co-star, but i mentioned previously about having to reshoot the “love” scene because it was too sexy. apparently, sex — according to FOX network — does not involve any movement whatsoever. the first time we shot it i was specifically requested to rock wit u, but then the second time i was explicitly told, “less gyrating.”
MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, FOX.
anyhow, here’s a screen-capture — click it to watch the full episode on imdb:
this episode is written by an asian american writer and contains some content that miiight be construed as stereotyping…i dunno you tell me haha (i will play dumb for now). i found it humorous (don’t like to take everything too seriously ya know?), but perhaps it’s a way to start a dialogue. thoughts? i would love to know what ya’ll think after you watch it…
AND THEN the last order of business is…wait for it…
DRUNKEN CHEF!
my friends Courtney and Jose created a web series of that very title, and it stars Jose, as himself, as The Drunken Chef. they asked me to guest star in this episode and we had a grand time shooting it. i was already well off the sauce when we shot this, although the crew (and drunken chef himself) enjoyed some beers. i think it was equally fun just pretending.
i used to make a lot of excuses. i admit it. there were lots. i didn’t realize how much at the time. i had excuses for when i would start eating right, start exercising, to take classes, to be creative, to drink water, to build my career, to examine my relationships, to heal relationships, to connect with my family, to go out with friends, to meet new people. christ, you name it, i’ve made an excuse to NOT do it at least one point in my life.
this doesn’t mean i NEVER did what i knew i had to do. i did. it just certainly took a while* even though i always knew in my heart who i could be.
i used to repeat my “story” as an excuse.
“Once upon a time… blah blah blah… and that’s how i got all fucked up in life, so that’s why i can’t be what you want me to be.”
ooh… that’s interesting. “what you want me to be… “ that just sort of slipped out, but it’s profound. why do we go through life thinking we need to be what others want us to be? Continue Reading…
have you ever woken up one day and realized you are a completely different person?
this is happening to me. over and over and over again.
complete transformation.
wtf [inthebestway].
it used to take so much time for me to change, and as i mentioned before, i seem to be changing faster and faster… at the speed of light.
even just a year ago i was still living in toxicity. so much better than before, but still attached to a way of life that did not serve me one freaking bit. alcohol? binge eating? exploiting myself?
however, through all the pain that i was not allowing myself to feel (with plenty of heavy medication of the herbal variety), my true self persevered.
i think about writing in my blog every single day. and yet i don’t. obvsly.
please forgive me.
it’s not that i don’t have things to share. i do. tons in fact. for example, it was my birthday on the 10th of december. AND, i recently shot an episode of the show BONES in November, which suddenly had to be reshot on said birthday. might sound like a bummer but it turned out to be exactly the steamy birthday gift from the universe i asked for. wrapped in one easy package! but what do you mean patty yu?
well kids, number one, patty yu asked for work. check. number two patty yu asked for some lovin on her birthday. CHECK.
WHA??? yes. that is correct. see, it was an unseasonably warm week before my bday. i was shooting the shit with the universe, you know, cracking jokes, making grand exclamations of gratitude, and just having a nice day together, when i teased that it’s my birthday in a few days and you know i want to ri-i-i-i-ide out. i say teased, because the reality of this happening in patty yu’s life as we currently know it is slim to none (that’s if i want to keep my self respect, know what i’m sayin ladees?). so i just kind of laughed it off and thought nothing of it. taylor was there, she’ll tell you.
Out of nowhere, the 2nd AD on Bones calls and says we might have to reshoot on my bday. holy crap. my very first love scene on network TV (did i mention that?) and it had to be re-shot. oy. a few thoughts went through my mind. did i not give them what they wanted? everyone seemed so pleased and satisfied that first day. what possibly went wrong?
in two words: TOO. SEXY.
damn.
sorry bout that.
i only did exactly what the director asked of me. but here’s the little lesson in the business: the producers enforce the censorship handbook in situations like these, and the FOX network is… well… you fill in the blank. i have nothing bad to say about anyone. there’s something for everyone in the world. yada yada.
this is the part where i get to MY POINT: even though everything seemed to be perfect that first day of shooting and i did everything asked of me, and the world seemed to be moving forward as usual after we finished, somehow i still managed to find myself on top of an attractive young actor on my birthday.
happy fucking birthday to me.
sure, he was married IRL and it was all pretend, but he was sweet, had great energy, was uber respectful, and there was no chance to take it too far. HOW FREAKING PERFECT IS THAT???
thanks universe. i know you got my back. love ya lots.
maybe my periods of silence come in part because it’s slightly difficult to explain to ya’ll these circumstances, considering i always bring my pal U[niverse] into the convo (what is this bitch on you’re probably asking) and thus it all starts to seem a bit out there.
maybe the silence comes in part because i feel like i’m changing at light speed, especially now that i’ve been living so healthy and not making excuses anymore and being totally accountable for myself and all my decisions. living the dream, instead of living in desire.
maybe the silence comes in part because i have a LOT to share. my photoshoot with lee from this summer for example. i’ve only shared a few images. and there are more. oh BOY are there more. (i’ll be sure to explain my irrational complexes surrounding these images another time i promise.)
but when it really comes down to it… silly me…
i just feel kinda…
shy.
it makes no sense, i know, but that’s how i feel sometimes. i am only human after all.
excessive as it’s become (as with all American EVERYTHING), it is one of my favorite times of the year.
why?
well, for one, i can actually feel the surge of collective gratitude emanating around us.
thanksgiving is one of those holidays where, even though humans are scrambling and stressing to buy just the right things to complete just the right process to create just the right colon blockage, we are also insistently reminded to think of what we appreciate in our lives.
what we are thankful for.
wow. i mean you can feel it if you just slowed down a second.
we are so lucky, my fellow humans. we are SO SO SO SO SO freaking lucky. and did you know? when we take these moments to be grateful for all the wonderful gifts the universe brings us, whether it’s material success or personal challenges, if we all just start to see these as gifts, and we navigate through both the successes and challenges equally with grace and gratitude, then the universe will only bestow even more gifts to us.
call it God, call it Luck, call it Manifestation, call it whatever the flying fuck you want.
but i will tell you right now, withOUT gratitude and growth, there is little room created for abundance. let’s look at relationships for example. whenever one fuck feels taken for granted by another fuck, the first fuck starts to WITHHOLD. this is not a foreign concept to most of you, as you have probably all been in one or both of those roles (god knows this bitch has), so let’s all just be honest with ourselves.
anyhow, i’m not here to make anyone rehash old heartaches or any of that bullshit, i just want to remind ya’ll that we are all powerfully creative beings who CREATE our lives — our REALITIES. and in order to really live life fully, we really must learn to hold onto this feeling of gratitude and practice it every day.
take 60 seconds and close your eyes.
feel the beautiful, positive energy that connects us all today. do you feel it? do you feel the joy that’s been putting a hop and skip in the step of strangers all around you as you prepare for this day? FEEL IT. hug it. kiss it. hell, rub up on it, hump it, whatever you feel compelled to do to it — no judgement — it probably enjoys it as much as you do. but really feel it!
now imagine yourself harnessing that love with your heart and send that healing energy to all your friends, your loved ones, your babies, your animals, your bosses, your co-workers, your community, all the people you come in contact with today…
but even more importantly, send it out to the rest of the world, to our fellow human beings, to others who have much fewer material luxuries than we do, to others who are suffering from malnutrition, from hunger, from homelessness, from disease, and despair. take this moment to realize that we have so much.
we have SO MUCH.
i am so grateful for all my fellow human beings. i am so grateful to have a healthy, active mind that can visualize and see a future where humans understand that fighting serves no purpose anymore. i am so grateful for such amazing, beautiful diversity in our world that we share. i am so grateful to have the ability and opportunities to serve others, to help others, to encourage others. i am so grateful for all the challenges that life presents, and grateful for the opportunity to meet and overcome those challenges. i am so grateful for the ability to change and grow, this ability that is innate within all of us. every single one of us. i am grateful for every single human being in this world. every person, regardless of where you are on the path to self realization, whether you are still lost in the dark, living in the light, or walking the journey in between. i am so grateful for you. i am so grateful and i have so much love for every single one of you because you are me and i am you and without each other we would not exist.
i am so grateful. so so grateful. my heart just overflows with love for all of you.
today is so beautiful because there is so much of that love energy flowing. let’s remember to live in love every day my friends. imagine if we all loved each other this much every day, what that collective flow of love would feel like next thanksgiving. how much that field of energy will have grown. if we vowed to love this much everyday, imagine how many hearts we could heal. if we vowed to love this much everyday, imagine how the world would heal.
i imagine this everyday.
everyday i imagine this.
and my heart just continues to fill with love. and i realize that love is limitless. love is infinite. love is ever present and always there for you to tap into. love is so abundant that it will always overflow. all you need to do is feel it. it’s right here for you. it’s right here.
right here.
and if you are confused and you can’t feel it, it’s ok. and just know that i love you. i love you. i love you so much. i love you so so much. and i know that whatever challenge you face is one you have the ability to overcome. and i believe in you. i really do. there is so much love in my heart and it’s here for you.
so if anything, feel my heart. because i love you. unconditionally.
i love you so much.
i love you so much.
so so so much, my beautifuls.
i love you so much.
xxxxxx
Posted 1 year, 2 months ago at 11:01 am. Add a comment
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.” — Carl Jung
if you follow me on twitter or facebook, you have been privy to my barrage of various inspirational quotes of late.
how apropo carl, how apropo.
it’s true though, i have definitely been on an idealism binge. this one is pretty serious. i mean, i was always a super idealistic kid. astrology will tell you it’s in my nature (sadge duh) and i have only ever continually validated that assumption throughout my life. i mean look at what i’m setting out to do here. it is an idealholic’s wet dream — cuz until you’re truly in it, this business makes no promises. no promises at all. not of fame and definitely not of fortune.
absolutely no guarantees except the one in my soul.
the last few months have been beautiful in so many ways. so much happiness, love, and excitement in more than one avenue of my life. this did not come without a few minor disappointments, maybe a major one too, but goddamn it if it wasn’t so much fucking fun.
the gifts i received:
my theatrical soul agent and already a like-family friend.
a magical chance to audition for, get to director’s session with, and be called for avail, on a HUGE studio sequel, based on the casting directors remembering my audition from 3 years ago. wtf. i love this town.
so now, with my little army in place, it’s time for me to bring it. over and over and over again in every door that will accept me and never be upset if i don’t get something now and i will celebrate the shit out of all my near misses. because they remember.
and when the right role comes, i’ll be prepared with all my heartmindsoul.
no matter what the ups and downs of this business, i still love it. i love every single risk, every single try. every rejection humbling and useful to my spirit. thank you so much for this. i am so grateful to be here.
x
Posted 1 year, 3 months ago at 3:53 pm. Add a comment
“Resist the temptation to yield to any sense of urgency. There’s no emergency. Your true direction will make itself known if you’re patient. “
these words helped me today.
i freaking love life. so many secret signs everywhere. so excited, happy, and feeling really good.
oh, btw i got an email today that made me shake with excitement for 30 minutes life is that good. funny thing is, it wasn’t even news. yet. obviously when it becomes news officially, i shall certainly share it with you.
oh, and some more photos from that little room shoot.
Posted 1 year, 4 months ago at 1:33 am. Add a comment
by my stargazing brother 
